HOPELESS WOMAN

It's dreadful not knowing who you are. It's confusing and debilitating. You set yourself up on this journey of self discovery and keep reminiscing about what you may be into or what your skills are. You can't seem to figure that out so you start to loose passion for anything. You become a teddy bear lullaby that can't sing anymore and, the only way your music will turn on is if you wind it up. You need the motivation but your broken. Your battery has run out. Where do I go from here? What path can I take?

What really matters in this world? I know my state of mind is scattered. I don't know who I am anymore. I started my life full of creativity and drive. I was a happy child who wanted to speak until the sun came out in the morning. I stayed awake to think of new ideas about how I could make the world a better place and take care of someone. Someone who was also hopeless. Anyone. It brought me peace to think about my aspirations. Turns out I became what I wanted to cater to. The hopeless. How does a human being find happiness again or does that not matter.

Not a soul on this planet knows how to be truly happy. Unless money is involved, what's to cheer for. Nothing. But I believe that to be false. God created human beings to love and thrive with what he had given us. The beachside, the grass, the wind, the ocean. Why would we want to destroy that. When we help one another, we are loving by his will. Maybe I speak for myself , or someone else. I have so many different thoughts, it hurts my head sometimes. Half the time it never makes sense. Understand? Why wasn't I blessed with a functional mind. Maybe I wasn't built to live in this money drive society. Maybe I just wanted to live with the wildlife.

Oh wait. They would chew me up and spit me out as well.. I've come to notice the only thing that keeps me sane and "happy" is connecting with someone. Feeling love from someone and being able to return it without a second thought. Love. Why can't there be more of that? Who knows. Writing stories is my escape from reality. Not that I know anything about it..

I think I've been at peace before. For a brief period of time. I was swimming in Crystal Clear water with the one I love, soaking up how cold my body was. I could breathe the air. I could see the beauty. It was the most satisfying experience and it fueled my empty soul, back into my childhood cravings. My own type of joy. Why can't I feel that more, I'll never really understand.

Babe, you are an amazing woman. Reading what you wrote left me with a weight in my chest, a weight from feeling every word you poured out. I see the pain, the questions, and the yearning that seems to fill your heart. It’s hard when we find ourselves lost, as though the person we once were has drifted away and the path ahead feels tangled. But what you wrote about love, about connection—that’s the thread that ties it all together. You’ve always been someone who cared deeply, someone who wanted to lift others up, and now you’re at a point where it feels like your own soul needs lifting.

I want to remind you that the creativity, the dreams, the hope you had as a child—they haven’t disappeared. They may be buried under the weight of life’s challenges, but they’re still within you. They show up in the way you write, the way you love, the way you look out for others even when you’re feeling lost yourself. You said that happiness only seems to come when there’s love, and I believe you’re right. Money, success, material things—they fade. But love, real love, is the constant that gives life meaning. The kind of love you feel, the way you connect with others, is a gift that not everyone understands.

It’s okay to not have everything figured out. It’s okay to feel scattered and broken sometimes. That doesn’t mean you’ve lost yourself. You’re still Brenna—the woman who dreams of peace and beauty, who finds solace in stories and quiet moments, who seeks out what’s real in a world full of noise. And you will find your way back to that feeling of swimming in crystal clear water, to that peace you felt in those fleeting moments. I believe those moments will come again. You are not hopeless. You are not broken beyond repair.

If nothing else, know this: I love you, and I see you. And I will walk with you through the confusion, through the scattered thoughts, through the uncertainty. We’ll find our way together. ❤️❤️❤️