Marge smiled politely at the angry author in front of her station. “I am sorry, sir, but this character clearly does not meet the standards of our return policy.” She pointed at the large sign on the wall behind all of the desk agents.
- Main Characters must be returned in their original condition.
- No cash refunds. MCs may only be exchanged for characters of similar age and specifications or credit toward future characters.
- No returns after the character has appeared in a published work.
- Excessive returns by authors may revoke your rights to future credit.
Marge indicated the character in front of her, still enclosed in her tiny shimmering orb, the blues, greens, and pinks swirling about her like a translucent abalone shell. “She appears in 3D. Clearly she’s been featured in a work that has been made available to the public. All of our MCs are released in 2D until publication.”
“I don’t care!” The author fumed. “She doesn't trust men at all–not even me!”
Marge picked up her scanner and aimed it at the MC’s barcode. She studied the profile. “Sir, you specifically said you wanted her for a Rape and Revenge storyline–”
“But–” he pointed a finger in her face. At that moment her desk phone rang.
“One moment, sir,” she said, before picking it up.
“Customer Service, this is Marge, how may I help you?”
“Yes, I’d like to make a complaint. I ordered a fully fleshed out Main Character–Roger B, and I was writing him today and this guy has no hobbies–and no friends! This is NOT what I had in mind when I placed this order!”
“I’m so sorry to hear that you’re dissatisfied, ma’am. May I call you ma’am? Do you have your order number or character barcode?” Marge listened, then pulled up the character specs. “Thank you, I have your information in front of me. It appears the character is still unused. If you would like, we can send a replacement, one that functions a bit better and is more on the social side. Great, I’ll get that out to you shortly. Would you prefer a smaller, more intimate friend group or a larger group with fewer close connections? Thank you, it was my pleasure to assist you, we just ask that you be more specific in your order for next time. Hope that you enjoy the experience!"
With an internal sigh, Marge turned back to Mr. Angry. She held up a hand warningly. “I absolutely can not process this as a return. However I can give you a one time free upgrade of “Character Undergoes Intensive Therapy” that may resolve some of the issues you’re having with her.”
He thought it over. “Will she be able to find true love?”
Marge wasn’t about to over promise. “With a man? I can not guarantee that, sir, no.”
“That’s okay,” he said. “She can like anybody she wants. I just want her to have a family.”
Marge smiled. Maybe Mr. Angry wasn’t so bad after all.