My story:

It has come to my attention that even with all the writing I have been doing; I never truly took the time to explain who I am and as to why I decided to start writing. Well no time like the present to rectify that problem. Hey my name is Megan or Meg which ever you prefer. I’m a 41 year old single mom to five of the most amazing kids that I have ever met. Yes I know I’m most likely bias but aren’t all parents? Let’s see I am a Charleston SC native born and bred right here in the holy city. I grew up in a relatively normal household I would like to think. You know mother, father and one sibling. Not to mention a few cats and dogs along the way. So I recently started writing with the push from my therapist to help with the issues I have. Now those are way to many to list so we aren’t even going to go there. Not going to lie I kinda laughed at first but then one night I started and it actually helped. Putting thought into what I was writing became very therapeutic that I looked forward to it. The things I have written touch on certain aspects of my life and my struggles with them. I guess I am hoping that what I write is going to help another person. By no means am I saying that I am just like a therapist but I have been told I have a really good listening ear. And like I tell anyone who talks to me I don’t spread businesss and will take secrets to my grave. Ok well time to dive into my story ladies and gentleman make sure you buckle up it gojng to be a little bumpy. So like I said born and raised right here in Charleston. Like to think I had a normal childhood, ya know went to schoool played sports and had friends. Well fast forward teenager years I started rebelling against my parents and acting out some. Isn’t that what most teenagers do? Well in the middle of rebelling against them I found myself pregnant at the age of 14. Scared to death not knowing what to do I went to my best friend. He always had my back no matter what and to this day he is always there. Well with the support from him I went to tell my super religious parents that I was pregnant. Now you can imagine how well that went over with them right? I went to have the conversation with the young man that got me pregnant and that didn’t end well. This was the first time I experienced a partner hurting me physically. He literally beat me and then threw me down the stairs in hopes that I would lose the baby. I woke up in the hospital black and blue and most definitely sore. I have a broken nose, two black eyes and concussion. Not to mention just multiple bruises and scratches but the baby was fine. I was in shock when the doctors told me that it was fine and healthy. I remember waking up and my father and Kyle being there but my mom was no where to be found. My dad asked who did it and I refused to answer and then Kyle spoke up. He said “Mr. D I know who did it and I know where they are.” With that statement they stood up, gave me a kiss on cheek and forehead and departed the room. Few hours go by and I’m sitting in hospital bed asking myself what am I going to do I’m only 14? My father and Kyle stroll back in covered in blood and smiling from ear to ear. To this day I still don’t know what actually happened and maybe it’s better that way. So I get out hospital and start carrying on with my normal life all while having a child growing inside of me. I kept up with my grades in school and even started babysitting to earn some money. I will never forget the day my water broke with the baby. I had just turned 15 about 6 months before so I finally got my learners permit. I was with Kyle at the house you know arranging stuff for the baby’s arrival. When I stood up to move something I felt this sharp pain and then I could have sworn I peed my pants. Then the sharp pain returned and I looked at Kyle and said shit I think the baby is coming. Mind you we are both 15 with only permits but that didn’t stop Kyle. He got me to the car that was in the driveway and took me straight to the hospital. I was crying in pain the whole time saying I want my mom and my dad. He gets me to the hospital and I get hooked up to all the monitors and I’m still crying I want my mom and dad. Well I don’t get what I want because they never showed up. Kyle held my hand and was my rock during all of this. He even cut the cord when it was time. I will never forget Feb 12th 2000 at 1:15 pm my first child was born . Patrick Henry DuRoss came into the world and my life changed forever. The stay in the hospital was short and drive home was long and silent. At this time my parents decided to make an appearance and I could tell they were disappointed. Although it didn’t matter to me because I fell in love from the moment I saw him and he was mine all mine. I did continue with school and even got a job. My folks slowly came around a little bit and started playing their roles of grandparents. Fast forward two years, I am a senior in high school looking at colleges and caring for an almost 2 year old. My grades surprisingly didn’t drop at all and I was able to play their sports I loved still. Life was great right? That all came to a crashing halt on September 30 2002. I was driving down a small two lane road and a car pulled out and hit the back end of my car and spun me around into other lane where I was then again hit by a truck. Somehow I wiggle my way out of mangled car and I turn to the back seat and I let out a blood curdling scream. Patrick isn’t in his car seat and there is blood on it. I look to the side of the car and see a site that no parent ever wants to see. My beautiful baby lifeless on the side of the road. People begin running towards me asking if I am ok and I sit there in silence. I want to scream no I’m not look at my baby. By this time the ambulance is arriving and I refuse treatment until they take care of him. One of the emts sat with me while the other went to check on my son. I remember clear as day him shaking his head and I lost it. I fell to the ground crying and screaming and asking God why? Then the lady who started this horrible chain of events makes her way towards me and she smells of liquor. I lost it again and got away from the emt and went to her and proceeded to punch her in the face over and over again. Screaming at her telling her that her selfish actions took a beautiful soul from this earth way too soon. The next week is a blur between being in the hospital and having to talk to the police. The woman was ultimately arrested and convicted of drunk driving and manslaughter. I’m pretty sure she is still in jail to this day. I couldn’t plan the funeral because honestly no parent wants to do that, let alone a 17 year old girl. From what I was told the service was absolutely beautiful but I couldn’t bring myself to be there. Well I was there but no one knew I was parked away in the distance where no one could see. When they began putting the dirt over him I lost it all over again. For the next month or so I would say I was in daze and only going through the motions. I went to school, practice and work all in that order. I cried myself to sleep most nights and barely saw Kyle. Well after about two months of doing that I decided to call Kyle. Told him to come over I want to talk. Well he surely showed up with coffee and donuts. I told yall this man knows me. I remember sitting him down and looking him in the face and told him I don’t want to feel anything. He said ok he understands and made some calls. This is where the down hill spiral started. At first it was a few bumps of cocaine and then it became 8 balls if Coke. Something to numb the pain and not let me think about the events. All the while I’m still going to school, working and even playing sports. I like to think I was good at hiding it but honestly I just don’t think anyone cared enough to say something. Well when the cocaine stopped working to help me feel numb we decided to find something harder. This is when I was introduced to herion. That substance in itself is the damn devil and I fell in love with it. It made me feel absolutely nothing which was exactly what I wanted. St first I wasn’t doing a lot of it but as time went by my usage increased. I barely remember the last part of my senior year and graduation. I started college that following August st a culinary school and yet still no one said anything. I was high every day almost all day. I think I used about 4 eight balls a day during the highest part of my addiction . Let’s go ahead and fast forward to August 5 2006. It’s the night before my 21st birthday and I’m pregaming in my apartment. Now of course I’m not pregaming with liquor but instead I’m loading the rig and shooting it in my veins. We’ll see Kyle and I always had the agreement that if we found the other overdosed we wouldn’t say anything. Well in that day I overdosed. I wish I could tell you I saw heaven or hell or anything but I saw nothing. Woke up in the hospital in soft restraints and tube coming from my nose. I looked around the room and I saw Kyle sitting there. His eyes were red and puffy like you could tell he had been crying. We banter pack and forth about how he wasn’t supposed to call but he did. Then he stands up gives me a kiss in the forehead and said you’re going to rehab. I fought him on this and even said I couldn’t afford it. Well when I was discharged from hospital the rehab van picked me up and away I went to Greenville. It wasn’t until after I arrived there that I was told that Kyle covered my entire stay. He sold his truck and his house to make sure I got clean. The first two weeks about killed me but I made it through. I started learning about the 12 steps and other ways to cope with my loss. I met a lot of great people up there and will forever be grateful to them. Graduation time rolls around and I begin to wonder if my family will be here. I hadn’t spoken to my folks the whole time I was gone but I did speak to Kyle. Graduation starts and then in a blink it’s over. Everyone looking for their loved ones and I see Kyle. Then as I scan the crowd there is my dad but mom is nowhere to be found. I don’t know why I naturally look around for both my parents but it happens. Why would I scan the crowd for a woman who was never there when I needed her? A woman who basically has looked at me with hate and disgust for most of my life. Honestly that was the longest 3 months of my life because I was away from everything I knew but that is what I needed. I packed up my belonging and we drove back home and I moved in with Kyle. We began doing normal things for people our age but also we went to meetings sometimes 5 days a week. At one of the first few meetings I met Dawn and she became my sponser. She had already been clean for 15 years and was a mom. She got me and never pushed me to share more than I wanted. Sobriety came easy to me because I was focused on building a client list for the cakes I made. I met a guy we got married had some kids and then divorced. Then I met another guy had two more kids and spent 13 years with him. In that span of 13 years I only wanted to relapse twice but thankfully I didn’t. The first time was when my dad passed because he was my person. Even with all the horrible things I did and put him through he was there for me. The second time was around d his 5 death date anniversary and I was just over it. I was fed up with life and not having my dad around was weighing on me. This time it went a step further and I actually purchased the drugs and the rig. Had a friend not walked in when he did I would be dead today. So for that friend I’m eternally grateful. As I am writing this to you today I just recently celebrated being 20 years clean and sober. And man that feels amazing to say but I know it wasn’t easy for me to accomplish. I started writing honestly as a way to cope with my anxiety and my depression. It had gotten to a point where I wanted to just end my life because I was so overwhelmed and then my therapist suggested I write. I never expected to have such a talent for this and to actually enjoy it. I just truly hope these words help someone who is struggling. Now as I close this out I want to leave you with sommethjng my sponser always said. “ It doesn’t matter if you are 2 mins,2 hours,2 days,2 months or 2 years sober. We are glad you’re here!” So if you struggling with addiction just know you’re not the only one.