The older I get, the more I realize that I truly have no idea what im doing. I have no business being an adult and I'm honestly shocked I made it this far in life. I have an abysmal amount of belief in myself and and even worse time trying to change that. I know I'm not the only one with his sort of thinking. I know I'm far from the only one gravely struggling and wasting my "potential." I know there are millions out there like me who aren't happy. It's isolating, but it doesn't have to be. While I may be clueless, I need to try to get it together one way or another. It will take a lot of effort but I need to try to save me from myself and learn to simply get out of my own way. Let's figure out what works and what doesn't together. I'm documenting my successes and failures as I try to build a life i can be proud of. (Mostly failures, but whatever.) I made it to thirty and have nothing to show for it. Embarrassing. Fair warning! I wont be sugarcoating anything. What i post will be my raw, unfiltered thoughts and experience. There will be difficult topics, honest accounts of traumatic events that i will be working to heal from, some pretty dark humor so i can at least laugh when I feel like crying, and just as much cursing as I use in my day to day life within my posts. That's TONS of curse words. If that isn't your thing, I get it. I struggle as much as everyone else and im not perfect by any means. I'm also not trying to be. I just want to start living after merely existing against my own will for my entire adult life. I can't yet say I value my life or myself, but maybe I'll figure out how to do that as I go. I'm winging it, and it wont be pretty. Feel free to follow along. Maybe I figure something out that helps someone, maybe I talk into the void. Either way, I'll be here.