In this entry, we conduct a forensic accounting of emotional insolvency. When the currency of connection is unilaterally devalued by one party, the other is left holding the debt of unrequited effort. This poem explores the "dissolution" of a bond not through heartbreak, but through the cold logic of a ledger that no longer balances. It is the documentation of burnout—where the spirit does not refuse to give, but simply lacks the capital to continue.
Final Audit
Insouciance and entropy collide and brawl,
I brace against the silence of the wall.
The ledger shows a balance in decline,
Where all costs and labor are exclusively mine.
This insolvency has left the spirit poor;
A bankrupt heart can give to you no more.
You turn away, shifting the weight of night,
My triumph offered, a sacrificial light,
Lies stultified by air too thin to breathe,
While dispirited hopes silently seethe.
I stand diminished, a statue in the hall,
Enervated by every beck and call.
My worth rebuffed, the silence claims its due
—Those unrequited cheers I once sought from you.
The vestige of our bond begins to fade,
Beneath the debts of joy you left unpaid.
In dissolution, chimerical unity,
But broke myself to fit your stringent decree.
No cost outweighs my precious sanity,
A love that aimed to redefine vanity.
You act the part, abjure adept erudition,
Forever stranger to the word contrition.
Lexicon
Insouciance: Casual lack of concern; indifference.
Entropy: Lack of order or predictability; gradual decline into disorder.
Insolvency: The state of being unable to pay debts; emotional bankruptcy.
Stultified: Caused to lose enthusiasm and initiative, often due to a restrictive atmosphere.
Enervated: Drained of energy or vitality; weakened.
Chimerical: product of unchecked imagination, fantastically improbable or illusory.
Stringent: Strict, precise, and exacting.
Abjure: To solemnly renounce a belief, cause, or claim.
Erudition: The quality of having or showing great knowledge or learning.
Contrition: The state of feeling remorseful and penitent.