This inaugural entry addresses the internal mechanics of character assassination—specifically, the self-sabotage that mirrors external judgment. It explores the "freeze" response common in Generalized Anxiety Disorder, challenging the perception of this paralysis as mere laziness. It documents the struggle against the inertia of "what ifs" and the fight to reclaim agency from the false narratives we write about ourselves.

Insouciant in Inertia

The fact is brutal: You can't quit if you don't even start.

Those prevarications you've crafted are counterfeit art.

Your choice is to wallow, a wasting of your prime,

In a wealth of given slack, with awarded free time.

Your easy road has a dead end once this blessing is spent;

And gratefulness is no substitute for meaningful intent.

The guilt you don't feel has been rightly conferred,

Yet still you hide, unashamed, and undeterred.

Ensconced in torpor, you feel safe, the threat doesn't exist-

You cop out, deny, and obstinately resist.

This isn't slow surrender, but a creeping, stagnant fate,

As idly, you sit anxious for the chimeras you await.

Your dwindling energy screams you're squandering your youth,

But detachment numbs, easing the weight of your apathetic couth.

Shattered glass, a broken image, distortion: the reflection's veneer.

Unmasked, embrace the failure, then persevere.

Let jagged fragments absolve your jaded guile,

And may the adamantine verity shape you into something truly worthwhile.

To my former self: I owe nothing.

Lexicon

Insouciant: Showing a lack of concern; indifferent.

Prevarications: Evasive or ambiguous statements; avoiding the truth.

Ensconced: Settled securely or comfortably.

Torpor: A state of physical or mental inactivity; lethargy.

Obstinately: Stubbornly refusing to change one's opinion or course of action.

Chimeras: Things that are hoped for but are illusory or impossible to achieve; scary phantoms of the imagination.

Adamantine: Unbreakable; having the hardness of a diamond.