How to Become a Penpal (Yes, People Still Do This—and It’s Surprisingly Great)

In a world of read receipts, algorithms, and “sent from my phone,” penpalling is quietly thriving. Why? Because writing to another human without ads, filters, or dopamine traps feels rebellious in the best way.

Penpals aren’t about nostalgia—they’re about connection. Real, thoughtful, ink-on-paper (or keyboard-to-screen) connection. If you’ve ever wondered how to become a penpal, what to write in an introduction letter, where to find penpals, and how not to accidentally commit a penpal faux pas, you’re in the right place.

Let’s get into it.

Why Penpalling Is Still a Thing (And Not Just for History Majors)

Penpalling has made a comeback thanks to burnout. Social media is loud. Messaging is fast. Letters—digital or snail mail—slow everything down in a way your nervous system secretly craves.

People love penpals because:

• Letters feel intentional, not reactive
• You get to be thoughtful instead of witty-on-demand
• Stationery is cheaper than therapy (usually)
• Friendships grow without algorithms deciding who matters

Search engines agree. “How to find penpals” and “penpal etiquette” are climbing for a reason.

Where to Find Penpals Who Actually Want to Write Back

Finding penpals is easier than ever—if you know where to look.

Online Penpal Communities

Start with platforms built specifically for penpalling:

• Penpal websites like InterPals, Global Penfriends, and Slowly
• Reddit communities such as r/penpals and r/RandomActsOfLetters
• Discord servers focused on writing, stationery, or slow living

These spaces attract people who want letters, not one-word replies and ghosting.

Offline Options (Yes, They Exist)

Libraries, cultural centers, language exchange groups, and stationery meetups often host penpal programs. It’s niche, but so are the best things.

What to Include in a Penpal Introduction Letter

Your first letter doesn’t need to be perfect. It just needs to be human.

Start With the Basics

Include:

• Your name and general location (city/country, not your exact address history)
• A few interests or hobbies
• Why you want a penpal

Example energy:

“I like writing letters because it forces me to slow down and use commas correctly.”

Charming. Approachable. Not trying too hard.

Add Personality (Not a Résumé)

Skip the life story. Share small, specific details:

• Favorite comfort snack
• Current obsession (book, show, hobby)
• Something oddly specific you love

Specific beats impressive every time.

Ask Thoughtful Questions

Good questions invite real replies:

• What does a normal day look like where you live?
• What’s something you’re learning right now?
• What song feels like home to you?

Avoid yes-or-no questions unless you enjoy awkward silences in envelope form.

Set Expectations Early

Mention:

• How often you like to write
• Whether you prefer snail mail, digital letters, or a mix
• Any boundaries (totally normal, not rude)

Clarity prevents penpal heartbreak.

Penpal Etiquette (Also Known as “How Not to Be That Person”)

Penpalling has unspoken rules. Let’s speak them.

Reply in a Reasonable Timeframe

Life happens. That’s fine. Disappearing for six months without warning? Less fine. A quick “Hey, I’m slow right now but still interested” goes a long way.

Respect Communication Preferences

If someone wants letters, don’t pivot to social media without asking. Penpals are about consent and vibes.

Keep It Curious, Not Invasive

Ask about culture, hobbies, and daily life—not finances, politics, or deeply personal trauma unless they open that door.

Gifts Are Optional, Not a Competition

A postcard or sticker is sweet. An expensive package can feel awkward. Thoughtful beats flashy every time.

Safety Tips (Because We’re Adults)

• Don’t share sensitive personal information
• Trust your instincts—if something feels off, step away

Healthy boundaries make better penpals.

Final Thoughts: Why Penpalling Is Worth It

Penpalling isn’t about perfection. It’s about presence. You don’t need fancy stationery, flawless handwriting, or a poetic soul. You just need curiosity, kindness, and the willingness to show up.

In a fast world, letters linger. And sometimes, that’s exactly what friendship needs.

Now grab a pen—or a keyboard—and start writing. Someone out there is waiting for your words.