𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒃𝒓𝒖𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆?

It depends on the level of self awareness of the listener, and of the speaker.



A speaker with poor awareness skills may convey themselves brutally inconsiderate, patronising or mean.

A listener with poor awareness skills could interpret brutally honest information defensively, erroneously, offensively.

Regardless of how you say something to a highly developed, spiritually enlightened and growth oriented person, on the other hand, they won’t take it personally, for they understand that nothing is personal – things are what they are, there are driving forces behind human behaviour, there are neurons that have been wired together, thought patterns formed, and a full load of other elements at play.

Brutal honesty may come off as inconsiderate to someone who is not there yet; who is not ready. Or simply – not there, be that in their levels of development, education, evolution, mental fatigue, emotional depletion, to name a few.

It may be inconsiderate if the brutal honest information is in reference to something that is outside of the listeners control, but even then this is only true if the person chooses to take offence.

A conscientious person may feel hurt or triggered by your brutally honest words or actions, and yet…

…they will do at least one of the following two things before deriving conclusions: feel through their emotions first, and respond post inner reflection; or they will decide to limit their interaction with you.

It is your choice to stay, to leave, to limit, or place boundaries that best serve you with people.

With a child, depending on the matter at hand, you may want to avoid being brutally honest, for you understand the differences in developmental stages.

Likewise, you would mindfully approach your language when speaking to an elderly person, or someone with developmental difficulties.

Keeping your brutal honesty to yourself with an emotionally immature adult can save you your nervous system.

Brutal honesty does not need to be brutal.

Brutally kind honesty is where the gold is. 

It’s not what you say, but how you say. Hence brutal honesty without kindness is far more likely to sound inconsiderate.

Brutal Accountability.

When brutal honesty is the approach you choose to implement with people, it comes with embracing brutal accountability and an array of potential consequences and outcomes.

Brutal honesty without brutal accountability can come of as insensitivity towards the listener, who’s feelings and perspective are equally valid, even if they contradict your brutal truth.

It can be challenging when brutal honesty meets empathy.

Although it also is true that when it is, it can be an invitation to evolve higher.

How so?

When a person is brutally honest with you about something, and it genuinely hurts (perhaps it feels like a knife right to the heart, or they broke a sacred promise), if your empathy levels are highly developed, you’ll be able to feel for the brutally honest person; even amidst and despite the circumstances.

Intentional hurt or not, you’ll understand them and compassionately hold space for them, being empathetic.

If the hurt is caused unintentionally, or unavoidably, it especially makes it more difficult to choose yourself first, or to say no, or to walk away, if it is what’s ultimately best for you.

Why?

Because you feel their pain, and you understand how your response is bound to affect them.

Placing boundaries with people can hurt them. Our awareness of this may activate our compassionate kindness, making us consider others, and on some occasions reconsider our kindness for ourselves.

But this is both, people pleasing and a form of disrespect for them, for it insinuates that you don’t think they can handle it, and grow too, without you.

Your mind must stay above psychological triggers to elevate and to evolve.

Triggers such as fear of rejection, loneliness, abandonment, failure, self doubt are present in highly evolved people just as much.

The mind does not like to walk away from what it knows, even if it’s unhealthy for us, for everything else is the unknown and hence unmeasurable. Our Basal Ganglia, the primal part of the brain responsible for automatic self-preserving behavior patterns, needs to ensure we survival (not thrive).

Thriving is the job of our Prefrontal Cortex, in charge of reasoning, decision-making, and problem-solving.

Your inner self understands that growth and evolution is in the unknown, it is in making choices that are in favor of self compassion and what is good for you in the long run.

To conclude:

You want to be brutally ready if you want to someone to be brutally honest with you.

To be brutally ready you do not need to be ready per se, you merely need to be ready to be accountable for yourself, ready to feel and observe your feelings and thoughts as you listen, as opposed to embody and identify with your emotional responses.

As long as you are willing to observe your inner world when someone is being brutally honest with you, ask questions for deeper clarity, reflect and hold self compassion, you are in control of the direction where to steer your boat.