Alot of things get misguided in the eyes of emotion even more get lost. My English teachers told me all the time I had run on sentences, but really I just was never ready to stop discussing the same topic to cut it off short to delay my thought just for a more cohesive response. I can't tell you the point of this note or any I will write or post, nor could I tell my English teachers why I kept using run on sentences after the fact of being told not to. I never liked most classes in high school so I never went if I enjoyed the teacher I still would attend, eyes red, heart heavy, and a slight fear I might be asked where I have been for the past months.

I wasn't scared to go but the pressure to attend was there it would make my stomach curl. I couldn't speak because I was too scared of being misunderstood. I was too nervous to express my wants or needs in the fear of being a burden, but also the fear that I would take advantage that's I would misuse and abuse whatever privilege I had finally let myself have. Whenever half the time I was to modest to allow it then to selfish to stop it. I always feared the idea of being just another one, another person that takes advantage. I wanted to share.

The idea that I could help, explain, and lead another persons creativity or thoughts to something more, something ideal. Music is a confusing concept air vibrates and we dance but a slight change in vibration everyone is silent staring wondering why it sounded the way it did. It takes one mistake for everyone to forget about all the feelings and emotions that's could be provoked from a simple course of notes and sounds arranged in a ways to make you feel happy, sad, or even euphoric and energized. I've not been scared of loss most my life but I remember when I recognized how the things I lost affected me. I try to forget, to erase the emotion to file for a empty placement in my chest as all things drift away. To hold on to is to cry, to let go is it be free. I couldn't see it no differently. I don't wish things where easier or for less or more emotion but for more time to work out the things that can cause such a rush to be able to prepare and ready yourself. To be able to think through a chaotic age.

Again, everything is misguided in the eyes of emotion. I can blame myself all day but that's another emotion stopping me from achieving and living and once again sharing.