MEET ME: The Unfiltered Manifesto of Jayson Gaddis

I am a deep man.

I don’t say that to sound poetic or to fit into a niche. I say it because I have spent my entire existence diving into the parts of the human experience that most people spend their lives avoiding. I am a husband, a Dad, a student, a teacher, a speaker, and an author. I am a human behavior nerd, and beneath all the titles, I am unapologetically sensitive and empathic.

I loathe small talk. To me, it is the static on the radio of a much more important broadcast. I long for depth, truth, and meaning. I study myself and my fellow humans for a living because it is my happy place. I like to go places others don’t want to go—I like going “off trail” into the unexamined territories of the psyche. They say ignorance is bliss, but I say ignorance is a prison. Most people stay in that prison because it’s known territory and they simply can’t see a way out. But if you are willing to break out, to see all of yourself even if it scares the hell out of you, then we have something to talk about.

I am very good at seeing through the bullshit into the center of who you are. I want that. The world wants that. And deep down, I think you want that too. Because when you make contact with the real you—the deep human that has been buried under layers of conditioning—it’s the ultimate drug. When you access that, you have finally arrived. You can start living. You will never fall asleep again, and there is no going back from whence you came. I yearn to know what your soul longs for. I want to know what you really think about inside that skull of yours—your worst fears, your biggest mistakes, your most hurtful pain points, and those secret goals you’re too afraid to tell anyone else. I want to turn all of that mess into a masterful piece of art called your life.

The Anatomy of a Life Lived at the Edge

My history is not a neat, polished resume; it is a collection of scars, triumphs, and catastrophic failures. I’ve been bullied and I’ve bullied back. I’ve won sports competitions, come in second place, and lost most of them. I’ve made a ski movie. I’ve dislocated both shoulders more than 40 times each and endured surgery on both. I love animals, and I’ve seen extreme trauma and worked through it.

I’ve operated in the most intense environments imaginable. I’ve worked at two different mental health centers, dealing with victims of rape, incest, domestic violence, and abuse. I’ve helped the homeless, parents, celebrities, and high-powered CEOs. I’ve been to AA meetings and walked out of them. I’ve helped people who were so psychotic they were strapped to a gurney against their will. For three years, I was an emergency psychiatric services crisis worker, hospitalizing many and diagnosing even more. I’ve worked inpatient and outpatient treatment programs and became a master group facilitator.

I was a Licensed Professional Counselor in Colorado, but eventually, I let my license go. I didn’t want to be confined by a board; I wanted to be a coach and an entrepreneur. I’ve run a developmental ski team for 5-10 year olds for years and managed an art studio. I was the president of my college fraternity. In one year, I was shaking hands with the governor during drug-free week, and a year later, I was building a bong with PVC piping in my dorm room.

I’m a man of contradictions. I like grinding uphill on my mountain bike and passing everyone on the trail. I’ve lost hundreds of thousands of dollars. I’ve started 3.5 businesses, and 2.5 of them failed. I’ve been hated by countless people. I’ve soloed huge rock faces with no ropes or gear, including Half Dome in Yosemite. Yet, I am also an avid birdwatcher. I’ve fallen on the ground in dehydration miles away from help and spent nights in the wilderness with no tent or sleeping bag. In one year, I slept over 200 days on the earth. I’ve climbed the classic traditional routes in many states and lived out of my car. When I had to wear a coat and tie for work, I wore Birkenstocks in opposition, for which I was promptly reprimanded.

I’ve been thrown in jail in Central America and held at gunpoint in Mexico. I’ve hitch-hiked across Alaska and Guatemala. I’ve swam naked in the ocean with strangers and nearly drowned in Portugal. I’ve felt immense shame around my sexuality. I’ve been in several fights in college and was once knocked unconscious by a group of 10 men. I’ve been kicked out of bars by both the Japanese and Colombian mafias. I was almost kicked out of college freshman year for smoking pot and plagiarizing my first term paper.

Spiritually and experientially, I’ve gone to the depths. I’ve led dozens of wilderness rites of passage trips, built sweat lodges, and slept on top of countless mountains. I’ve participated in over 35 Ayahuasca ceremonies and countless psychedelic sessions. I’ve cut dozens of good people out of my life, burned bridges, and mended some. I was a part-time stay-at-home father for years, meeting the demands of two young kids. I swore I would never get married or have kids, and now I love being married. My family is my greatest masterpiece (co-created with my wife, of course). I love being a dad more than anything in the world.

My Personal Story: Making the Hurt My Art

I have always been a sensitive human who cared about people, social dynamics, and relationships. As a kid, I could watch people for hours, fascinated by the way they moved through the world. However, as a boy, I learned very quickly that my sensitivity and empathic nature created more problems than they were worth. I buried this true aspect of me to fit in, make friends, and play sports.

I was a great athlete and received a lot of praise for it, especially when I won. But deep down, I was a sensitive artist type with no idea what to do with that part of me. I kept hiding it. Girls were a challenge; every single girl I liked didn't like me back in grades K-12. After high school, I felt even more anxious, alone, and depressed. I pursued extreme sports—skiing, climbing, mountain biking—to feel alive and valued. I joined a fraternity culture that purported to stand for the values of a "gentleman" but was actually about hazing, shaming, and partying. We bonded through being inauthentic.

In college, my strategies got me friends and attention, but never what I really wanted: to be deeply known. I used drugs and alcohol to medicate the pain. Throughout my 20s, I moved from short-term relationship to short-term relationship, blaming every woman I dated for not being “enough” for me. I’d push them away the moment they had a real need.

Meanwhile, I was searching. The traditional path of a "real job" was unattractive. I wanted to disappear. I became a leadership consultant for my fraternity, continuing to hide my drinking and pain behind an "All-American good guy" mask. But I felt a calling. I began working with troubled teens in wilderness therapy programs. It was the best job I ever had because, for the first time, I was around people who were talking openly about their problems.

By age 29, three things collided:

1. I hit a ceiling on my skills with troubled kids.

2. My intimate relationship life was a disaster.

3. I was in immense internal pain (mostly depression and anxiety).

I realized I was the common denominator in my failed relationships. I moved to Boulder, Colorado, started grad school, and studied psychology to figure myself out. I meditated in a Buddhist community for 5 years and found the best mentors in human behavior. After graduate school, I married Ellen Boeder, started a family, and grew a successful private practice. I saw the common thread in everyone’s problems: relationship. In 2013, I transitioned from psychotherapist to coach and founded The Relationship School to train people on how to do this part of life better. I made my hurt my art. I turned my pain into my purpose.

My credentials:

Founder, The Relationship School®

Trained Demartini Method Facilitator

Relationship Teacher, Ongoing virtual relationship classes and trainings across the globe

Founder, The Relationship School Podcast (formerly The Smart Couple Podcast)

Founder, Boulder Men’s Experience

Co-visionary of Beyond Gender & Healing the Gender Divide

Co-visionary of Community Practice Day

Visionary and host of the first ever Evolving Men’s Conference

Blogger and writer for Integral Life, Primer Magazine, Digital Romance, Elephant Journal, and The Good Men Project

Visionary and designer of the men’s leadership training

MA in Counseling & Psychology (3 yr training) from Naropa University

Former Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC)

Former Certified Gestalt Therapist (3 yr training)

Emergency Psyciatric Services Crisis worker (3 years at Boulder Mental Health Center)

Completed year-long Trauma Training with Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute

Certified Meditation Instructor

Former EMDR level 1

Designed, visioned, and facilitated over 25 wilderness rites-of-passage trips for men

Current & Past Experience

Host Of The Relationship School Podcast

Founder & Facilitator-Men, Leadership Training

Private Relationship Coaching Practice since 2006

Founder, Revolutionary Man (now dissolved as of 2010)

Facilitator of Men’s groups and co-creator of Men’s Group 101

Facilitator Authentic Man Program Colorado and the RedPill weekend

Founder of the Evolving Men’s Conference

Former Family Therapist, Monarch Center

Former Family Therapist, Longmont Mental Health Center

Crisis Worker, Emergency Psychiatric Services

Former Group Facilitator SOAR High School

Former Drug & Alcohol Instructor, Boulder Public Health Group

Facilitator For Perpetrators of Domestic Violence

Lead Instructor and Founder, Innernature Wilderness Program

Lead Instructor, The Outward Bound School

Lead Instructor, Second Nature Wilderness

Program Teacher, The Waterford School

Leadership Consultant, Bela Theta Pi International Fraternity

Head Ski Coach, Snowbird Developmental Ski Team