So basically I feel like my life is in a free fall. It's like it goes from bad to worse at the drop of a hat and everytime I make an effort for improvement. Even if I do everything I'm supposed to do on my end, it just doesn't turn out how it's supposed to. Like housing assistance. I was on the wait-list for over a year. I finally got them to agree to help me out and what happens...my landlord doesn't return the paperwork on time and bam I get evicted. I was so relieved when I found out I finally was getting assistance I was happy I was just like finally something I really need is working out for me for once. Then like clockwork...here comes life to smack me back down to reality. Like oh you actually thought something was going to work out to your benefit...jokes on you! This seems to be a vicious, repetitive cycle that I'm stuck in for quite some time. One with no beginning and no end in sight. I can't describe what it's like to be too worried that things will almost certainly go to shit that it stops you from even wanting to be happy because you know how short lived it will be. It's kind of like that negative pessimistic person who brings everyone down. Except this one happens to be right and everything is really shitty and you know it and expect it but there's no way to stop it. It's almost like I start to wonder if maybe I was a shitty person in a previous life. Now I'm paying for it in this life. Every day. For eternity. I don't feel bad for me I feel bad for my son the youngest one. He deserves everything wonderful in the world and I wanna give him that but I'm like the permanent little black rain cloud.