Hey, if you're reading this then that means you've also decided to ignore my personal boundaries as well. That's fine, but I'll warn you: My life's not pretty.

If you do decide to read on...I need you to understand something about me. I've done some bad things... But Before you judge me, let me tell you the full story. Then you can decide for yourself if I'm in the right or if I'm wrong.

"Sarah! Wake up! Your going to be late" My mother lovingly yells. She walks into my room without asking permission and folds her arms. "You look like shit you know that? Is that how you're going to show up for your first day in College? " She asks me. Her voice is riddled with the stank of judgment but I don't say anything to her, acting like I didn't hear her, and without missing a beat she just leaves. Typical. Then again what can you expect from someone who never wanted children in the first place? Me and Zack were just her way of trapping our father into a loveless custody battle, paying child support for the next eighteen years. But now that I'm grown, she doesn't get me any more money. So to her, I'm useless. I Rub the sleep out of my eyes and tie my hair into a messy bun. Looking at my phone I take a deep breath and like always... nothing. How unexpected, I think to myself and roll out of bed, hating myself already. Walking to my bathroom, I stub my toe on the suitcase filled with my entire life. I look dejectedly at it and sigh. My entire life, The 18 years I've been alive...all in one large hot pink suitcase. You'd think I'd have more, but Mom's never been one to stay in one place. I've had to move a total of 8 times, so I've never gotten too attached to anyone or anything. Except Zack. He's 13 and one of the smartest kids I know, But he's not very...well he struggles with making friends. I've told him that Mom's not moving anymore, so he should get comfortable and make a few friends but all he talks to are his gaming buddies on Discord. You'd think he'd be outside playing soccer or something, but no he stays in his little hobbit hole and plays his video games all day. I turn the water on for my shower and wait for it to get warm. I know the water bill is paid because Mom's weird boyfriend Mike pays 99% of the bills in this house. I don't understand why He's with the crapfest I call a mom. He bought my brother his Gaming PC and bought my car for my 16th. I should be grateful, after all, kids like me never get a gift like that...or at least that's what my mother says. I've given up on having a relationship with her at this point, but I still try to keep the peace in the house. I put my hand under the water and finally, it's steaming. Thank the heavens for Mike. I remove the oversized hoodie that I stole from My ex-boyfriend Gillian and step into the shower. I sigh and let the water run over me, trying not to think of him. He...No. I said I won't so I won't. This is my day, and I won't let even him ruin it for me. As I turn around I feel a sharp pain, and look at my wrists. Typical, I think to myself. I cut so much now, each session just blurs together. I'm going to have to bandage those later, I say out loud. It's gotten harder for me to feel something most days, and my body is a mirror of that. The one my mom has seen, she simply called it "attention seeking" or a ''phase" and "I'll grow out of it". I've never understood why she's called it that when she's the last person I want in my life. I've been through so much therapy, I should have a PhD by now. At least that's what I tell myself. I take a final look at myself and rince off rapping my hair in a towel before walking back into my room. Today's outfit consists of my comfort hoodie (a black NASA hoodie), a pair of low-cut olive green cargo pants, and my black high tops. These shoes are my favorite because they have tiny skates on the bottom. I know it's going to be like 80 somthing degrees but I don't need any attention from anyone right now. For my makeup, I've decided that my normal E-girl makeup will do just fine. I don't know anybody there, and I don't feel like impressing anyone today. A knock on the door interrupts my thinking. "yes?" I say without looking. "hey I was still hoping to catch you before you left kiddo"Mike says as he walks into my bathroom, what is with people doing that in this family?

"Oh what's a surprise, Its everybody's favorite boyfriend Mike Reynolds. How may I help you today sir?" I say with as much sarcasm as I can muster at 8 in the morning. He smiles and scratches his stubble. "You look so pretty you know that?" "yeah, I get it from my father. My real father. "Ouch, kiddo.. no need to be so mean" "You know...My offer still stands Sarah." He says putting his hands on my back. He starts to rub it, and I flinch."What? I know you enjoy our secret hangouts. It will be just like when you were younger..." "So how about it serah?"He says feeling my inner thigh. In my head, I reassure myself that in a few hours, I won't ever have to see him or my mother for 4 more years"Can't you be a good girl for me?"I force his hand away from me push past him into the bathroom and try not to break down in tears yet. I will my brain to turn on autopilot, grab my suitcase, and lumber downstairs for the last time. I knock on my brother's door but nothing. I'll just Facetime him when I get on campus. Mother is still in her room so I take this as my opportunity to sneak past without detection. I can't take another fake interaction with her. Finally, in my car, I take a second just to decompress. This is a new day, a new beginning, a new me. I Start my car and ease out of the driveway, finally saying goodbye to this life. Trust me it wasn't hard, I've been waiting for this for so long it feels almost unreal. I pinch myself to make sure I'm awake. Yup. Very much awake. I put on my playlist and drive. I just recently found this new artist WesGhost, And I love their music. I consider myself someone who's tried all sorts of music and I'm very proud of that. Of course, I have my favorites, but if you asked me to name a song about anything for a million dollars I'd come out 1 million richer. Music has always helped me cope. It's always in my ears because it's the only way I function properly now. As I get on the road, suddenly I get a rush of excitement. New people, new me, no baggage. Well other than the stuff I brought in my suitcase of course. I smile and turn the volume up.

Finally, after what seems like hours, I arrive in the campus parking lot. I got a text from Mom, but I don't read it. Still my day after all. Stepping out of my car I take a huge deep breath and...exhale. I put in my headphones and begin my journey into the unknown. With the swagger of Mick Jagger himself, I walk up to the end of the parking lot to find a boy waiting for me. He's kinda cute, with sandy blond hair and a jawline that could cut diamonds. He has on a pair of glasses too big for his face, a sweater with the school logo, and a pair of slacks. "howdy! Can I get a name to match that pretty face?"He asks me and my swagger dissipates like water on a hot summer day. "Don't worry, take your time, this gets me away from class anyways". Suddenly My brain works again and I say "Sarah. Sarah Newman. And you must be?" I ask giving him a once over to try to annoy him. It works, but before I can see his jaw twitch his bravado returns and he says"Jay. I'm part of the welcome committee. I also am captain for a few clubs here at HWS" He tells me. Hm. So he's one of those. I know I shouldn't judge a book based off of its cover but Pretty Boy looks like the definition of a heartbreaker. "Ah. I feel very welcome already. Mind telling me where I can find the female dorms?" I ask as sarcastically as possible, but not so much that he wouldn't help me. I didn't get to tour the campus beforehand on account of babysitting. Gotta make money somehow. "Oh yeah, I got you. Any bags or did you just bring yourself, hot stuff?" He says and I try not to visibly cringe. "yeah back at my car. But for the record, I'm swinging for the other team...if you catch my drift." I tell him, hoping to get him to lay off." hey, I like a little competition," he says and winks at me. Still better than Mom's place I think. Somehow she is not even here and I still feel anxious, like she's gonna show up any moment just to shame me or put on a show. I grab my bag and he ushers me forward to the dorms. I hope my roommates are chill because I can't handle much social interaction right now. I just need to decompress and find my classes and- "Hey your code?" "I'm sorry?" "Your dorm code girl, they should have given you one." He says. I fumble around in my satchel for the paper with my important notes on it but he stops me "Hey Don't worry girl I got you this time, I'll use my friend code she won't mind." he says walking up to the keypad and typing the code. The door opens with a click and just like that I'm in. I look around in awe at the inside of the building. No wonder the tuition is so damm high. There are a few girls on the couches in the front and against my better judgment I approach them. One has wavey jet-back hair with a red streak, freckles, and a cute smile. Haspananic I think. The Girl in the middle has bright orange frilly hair, Glasses, and a pair of cute-looking overalls. I wonder if she made them herself. The last girl looks like a bookworm. Nose in a book, I couldn't really make out any facial features. "Hey girl you must be new. I'm Tempest, That perra estúpida in the overalls in May, and that dork over with a book in her face is Jade. Come sit, we don't bite," She says. "Girl you know I speak Spanish too" " I mean it with love. Now shut up I wanna talk to the new girl."Tempest says. "So new girl, you got a name?" She asks me and I freeze. What was my name? I really need to get it together "Oh..um..Sarah. Nice to meet you," I say, putting my hand out for her to shake...Wait why did I do that!? My hands are super sweaty! She shakes my hand "Well Sehra, welcome to campus. I see you've met Jay. Don't worry he does the same routine every time someone new comes along." "Oh, Now I feel more special. "I say rolling my eyes. "You got a major yet or are we still figuring it out?" Tempest asks me. "Well, My dream is to become an English professor. Silly I know but-" "Who said it was silly? Reach for the stars girl! Anything you want to do, go do it. The only thing stopping you is yourself".I give a quick smile "You got a pretty smile girl. Here let me help you find your room. Girls just stay there and look pretty k". "yeah yeah and you don't give the new girl any trouble" May says."Don't worry shes harmless while sober." "You bitch! Come on Serah" Tempest says grabbing my hand and blowing a raspberry to may. It seems foreign to me, This weird feeling. Like I actually belong to something. Best not to over-anilise I guess."Got your schedule yet? I grab my phone and check my email. "says room 1217?" "Oh sweet. That's the second floor. Come on follow me" "Gum?" She asks. "Um...no thanks" I say in response. "Hey your loss mamacita" She says, popping a piece of gum in her mouth. I wonder what it would be like to be her. No worries, Overflowing with confidence, And the body to match. Her chains jingle with every step, echoing through the hallway. "Where is everyone? Feels kind of empty.." I ask her."Oh, most of the girls here signed up for morning classes so you won't see much of them in the AM. Plus all the fun stuff is at night anyway. You don't look like you go out much...How about you swing by for coffee with the girls? I promise you'll be fine, scouts honor!" She says, Giving a silly face with her hand over her heart. "Alright. As long as you stop with the face"I giggle. "Deal.See you then!" "Wait What about my room?" I yell as she walks across the hallway. "You're right there. See you later love" And like that, she's gone. Opening my door I don't see anyone just yet so I flop on my bed and pass out.

A smashing sound is heard from the next room. They're still fighting. Zack is crying. I turn up the volume of the music. It doesn't work. Fear engulfs me, And my body shuts down. I lock his bedroom door and flee to mine. The screaming continues, And things are still breaking. I want this to end. I want to flee to the darkest corner of my head and never leave. It's not fair. Then again it never was in the first place. I open the box under my bed and grab the box cutter. It feels cold, lifeless. Everything around me becomes blurred as if I'm swimming in syrup. I press the boxcutter into my skin and cut. There's a sound at my door. It's dad. "OPEN THIS DOOR! THIS IS MY HOUSE AND YOU" He interrupts himself just as I try to hide the cuts. "SO YOU WANT TO DIE HMM?"He yells. He grabs me, and I flinch. "DON'T BE SCARED NOW!" He slams me to the ground and suddenly I can't breathe. Oh, that's why. His boot is on my chest. He kicks me again, It hurts. Everything hurts. He gets on the floor and begins to punch me. My ears ring, And I taste blood. Maybe if I apologize now he won't hurt me again. Maybe if I beg for mercy he will hurt me again. I try to form words but my lips won't move. My eyes water, my spirit broken. I go limp as his meaty fist slams into me. Thud. Thud. Thud Th-

*Beep* *Beep* Beep*

The sound of my phone alarm brings me back to life once again. 4:17 PM.

That's good, I haven't slept the entire day then.

End of chapter 1 :)