There's too much to say and there isn't enough time in the day. The days you're here I cherish and the days you're gone it's too much to bare. It isn't fair.

I didn't want to feel this way.

Not in the slightest, but it seems each day these new feelings continue to shine the brightest even in the darkness.

You have me at your mercy, daily.. Your opinions and the things you like or love have become important to me so quickly, and the things you hate.. it's scary.

I'm really trying not to say any of this because I respect you. I wholeheartedly care about you, and because of that, I don't want to hurt you. I notice you more than words can express. I look away but, believe me, it forms knots in my chest.

The way you look when something is bothering you, the way you move when you're happy. When you cry, I want to wipe your tears away and make you smile and feel better.. Four years is not long enough with you.. I wish it could be forever.

The hardest part? Not being able to say any of this to you. I know I will regret it. Maybe eventually you'll see this.. I just hope when that time comes, you won't forget it.

I apologize for staring at you, but for me it's entirely because I want to know every inch of you, platonically.. hell who am I kidding.. Even romantically.

I look into your eyes and there are times that I have to look away because if I don't it'll be obvious that's where I want to stay. I want you to see me in the same way. That's asking for too much, I know. I'm not in your range, which is why I cannot ever say any of these things. Watching and listening to you talk, I see your lips moving, what I would give for a taste.. The euphoria in those thoughts alone is more than I can take.

You say I should write but, the things I'm writing you wouldn't like, because I'm not who you want to be by your side. I'm not saying I'm not important to your life at all but, I know I'm just insignificant overall.

Maybe someday, I can be the person you want, or even need. The one that causes you to fall to your knees in quiet disbelief of the love you receive. Every moment without you is entirely full of envy and greed. There is a constant tug-of-war inside of me.

You keep asking me what's wrong. Honestly nothing is wrong, it's just unbearable for these feelings to be unprocessed for this long. So that's what i'm doing, writing something to hopefully clear the fog.

There's a promise in all of this. A promise of love, a promise of honesty, and a promise of complete devotion. If you and I are ever set into motion. There will be a day when my heart will bleed with positive emotion.

Just know that if anything were to happen, and I wasn't around anymore...

I love you,

Forevermore..