Okay, I think I need a Part 2 to my little rant about scam subs, Dommes, Sugar Daddies, and everyone else trying to turn D/s into a vending machine. Because apparently some people did take my advice.

They stopped opening with the ridiculous demands and started having an actual conversations now. They asked questions. They were polite. And they seem more genuine. And then, about an hour into the conversation… “So, are you ready to tribute?”

Oh.

You were doing so well.

Here's the thing: I understand that some people have tribute requirements. That's their choice. Some submissives are perfectly happy with that arrangement. But a tribute requirement is not a substitute for getting to know someone.

An hour isn't getting to know a person. It's barely enough time to establish that neither of you is completely insane. D/s isn't Amazon Prime. You don't put in a payment, receive a Domme, and skip straight to the dynamic.

If I'm going to submit to someone, I have questions. Lots of them. And I expect those questions to be answered openly.

Not because I'm challenging your authority. Because I'm deciding whether you're someone I can trust with mine. And this is where I think some people have completely lost the plot.

A Domme doesn't become less dominant because a submissive asks questions. She doesn't become less dominant because the submissive says, “No, I'm not comfortable with that.” She doesn't need to shut down conversation, demand money, or hide behind “because I said so” to establish authority.

If your authority can't survive a question, I'm not sure it was authority to begin with.

Dominance should be able to stand in a conversation. It should be able to explain itself. It should be able to listen. It should be able to say no just as comfortably as it expects a submissive to accept one.

And yes, I find it a major red flag when someone tries to establish financial compliance before they've established trust.

At its worst, that can become coercive and abusive. At the very least, it's a damn good reason to walk away.

Now, here's my philosophy:

I don't need a submissive to prove he's serious by handing me money. I need him to show me that he's serious by being honest, respectful, consistent, communicative, and willing to actually build something with me.

Money can be part of that dynamic. But it cannot manufacture one.

And if your first real test of submission is “Pay me,” while my first real test is “Can I trust you?”

We're not looking for the same thing. No hard feelings. No drama. Just no.

Next!