Why Having Power Over Someone Doesn't Make You a Dominant... There is a distinction in BDSM that I think deserves considerably more attention: the difference between being dominant and simply having control over another person. The two are often treated as interchangeable. Someone gives an instruction, expects obedience, establishes rules, demands attention, or exercises authority over a submissive, and the assumption is that these behaviours demonstrate dominance. But do they? Because I would argue that having the ability to control someone and possessing the qualities required to be a Dominant are two very different things. And confusing the two can create some rather unhealthy dynamics.