BE THE BIGGER DEVIL!!!

Growing up, I was always identified as the shy, quiet girl. Not that being quiet is a bad thing, but society often treats quietness like an unfinished sentence. People look at you with disappointment, criticism and confusion because they wonder what's going on in your head. I mean, are they supposed to read your mind or understand you perfectly. After all, you need to express yourself for people to get you. Moreover, the world seems designed for noise. Think about it: what is life without sound? We have ears for a reason—to hear. Music exists because of sound. Entire industries revolve around it. People study sound engineering just to understand how sound travels, how it vibrates, how it fills space and emotion. Even life itself feels like sound. Laughter is sound. Conversations are sound. Arguments are sound. Applause, crying, cheering—those are all signs that people are alive and present. Without sound, the world would feel strangely empty. In one of my theatre classes, we read the book Einstein's Dreams. In one chapter, the author imagines a world where everything revolves around speed. Nothing is ever completely still. Everything moves. And movement almost always carries sound with it. Wind rushing through trees. Footsteps on pavement. Cars accelerating. Even the quiet rhythm of a heartbeat. It’s interesting that many of my classmates associate quietness with stillness. And stillness is often linked to silence. Silence sometimes reminds people of things that don’t move anymore—the grave, statues, frozen moments in time. Maybe that’s why society often prefers talkative people. Noise signals energy. Movement. Presence. Meanwhile quiet people stand there like background characters in someone else’s movie. Despite all this, I actually enjoy noise. Noise reminds me that I exist within the cycle of everything. The chaos of life is proof that we are still moving.

But being quiet has its disadvantages. Sometimes people mistake quietness for weakness. They take advantage of it. They assume that because you don’t speak up, you don’t notice what’s happening. And when something goes wrong, they might say, “Well, you didn’t say anything.” Technically, they are not wrong. Even in professional environments, if you don’t ask for something, you probably won’t receive it. The system doesn’t reward silent effort. Even the Bible says: ask and you shall receive. Apparently, silence isn’t part of the strategy.

Over time, because of experiences and accumulated frustrations, I developed a strange coping mechanism. When I feel like someone is repeatedly provoking me, and when every attempt at being patient and diplomatic fails, I sometimes adopt a different strategy. I become the bigger devil. It is not something I am proud of, and it is certainly not enjoyable in certain situations, like if it was a misunderstanding or the adversary has a good or pure spirit. In addition, it feels like entering a competition where both sides keep inventing new strategies to outmaneuver each other. But sometimes, after trying to be good for too long, goodness starts to feel ineffective. I remember an example from when I was younger. There was someone who repeatedly did things that upset me. I tried to be nice. I tried to ignore it. I tried to address the situation calmly. But nothing changed. I am not naturally confrontational. My friends often say that how you react to a problem can be just as important as the problem itself. At the time, however, I felt like my reactions weren’t making any difference. So, I changed tactics. Instead of confronting her directly, I told her friends and family about the things she had been doing. In simple terms, I snitched. Not casually, either. I explained the situation in full detail with cinematic tears and storytelling. Soon enough, other people decided she needed to be confronted about her behavior. Then I discovered that she had cheated on her boyfriend. When that information reached me, I revealed it as well. Immediately she confronted me, I used her emotions against her and made her look like the crazy angry bitch. Looking back, I realize that what I did was not the most ethical approach. Two wrongs do not create a right. But at that point I had stopped worrying about fairness.

In my mind, actions have consequences. If someone chooses to act a certain way, they should also accept what happens afterward. If the outcome is unpleasant, perhaps the action should have been reconsidered. Another lesson I have learned over time is that many things' people call “mistakes” are not really mistakes. Often, people have already thought about their actions. They have studied the situation and made assumptions about how others will react. They predict behavior the way analysts predict trends. Sometimes they even predict quiet people. They assume that someone quiet will remain quiet. And sometimes they are correct. But occasionally the quiet person decides to change the pattern. Suddenly the prediction fails. To be clear, I do not recommend becoming the bigger devil in all situations. It consumes time and energy—resources that could be used for more meaningful things. Also, you have to be as slippery and cunning as a snake but gentle as a dove. I say slippery not because a snake is slippery but sometimes it can be difficult to catch it or peg it down. Besides, conflict has a strange way of growing. One action leads to another reaction, then another response. Each step becomes bigger than the last. What begins as a small disagreement can evolve into something much larger if not dealt in the right manner and right timeframe. An eye for an eye becomes an eye for two eyes with each sides determined to win and make the other feel pain and suffering so that the other party gives up and say "You win! I surrender. And eventually you start to wonder how far people are willing to go before they realize they have crossed the line. Perhaps the real challenge is not learning how to be louder, or more strategic, or even more ruthless. Perhaps the real challenge is learning to be balanced and knowing when to be kind or when to be the bigger devil. I hope I do not offend anyone with my choice of words and if I did, feel free to correct me or even tell me, when being the bigger devil has worked in your favor. I love to learn!