Holiday cheers
The holidays bring you so much joy, jolly and cheer. But for some of us it can bring sarrow, grieve and sadness. Celebrating the holidays with your loved ones for one more year as you sit back and remeness of the years before with little tears in your eyes that have your eyes sparkle in the glistering cold crisp winter sunshine as if they were to become crystals. Feeling the presence of loved ones whom aren't here no longer. Aching for their love, all to turn around and here the words of your child say. " you're the bestest mommy in the whole world" it makes you're heart grow even just 3 times bigger. Brings proud and joy to your soul the feeling that you too are doing something right, even as a single parent. You find ways to bring the joy of the holidays to life just to make your child's heart fullfil. It's one of the most magical times of the year. To watch your child's eyes light up with joy and cheer.
Yet one of the most challenging times of the year, when everything seems too go wrong just at the right moments, just for it all to come into place. For just 2 years of celebrating the holidays with just my son and I, we seem to find ourselves full of all the memories. But I'm here to say do not shun them away, feel them, embrace them, you will be amazed of the amount of emotions to come with. All the memories swarm in like an angry little bees nest, the memories of the ones of the holidays with the whole family my sons father as well as his siblings. One of the hardest emotions to handle is the grief you feel of missing the siblings all kids together at once, I will never forget on that Christmas eve night laying the cookies out for Santa clause leaving the magical reindeer food out in the drive way, just a few hours before midnight that will light up the nights sky just so santa knows where to go to deliver. Hearing their little chuckles and concerns on If santa will forget them this year. Little did they know that it wasn't Santa that stayed up all night writing a letter to them discussing of how proud he was of them this year, wrapping all the gifts alone that Christmas eve night with tears in my eyes as all I wanted was to enjoy this memorable moment with at that time my husband. Instead I sat on the hard wood floor wrapping gifts for more than just my son but as well as my husbands daughters, I did all the Christmas activities that year alone with the kids from making ornaments, baking cookies, watching Christmas lights, to even Christmas movies. Santa clause did not deliver that magical Christmas morning for them it wasn't their father either It was their brothers mother as in I. I had a taste of what it was to feel as a single mother while being married all while knowing I was supposed to have that support and memorable moments together.Then I started to think, someone too loved me that much when I was younger to keep the Christmas magic Alive. I too loved them all deeply even if so I do not see them or get to hold them, I know the love I poured from my soul as even labeled as a 'step mother' I loved them just as much as my son. As if they were too my own.
It's easier to miss a soul whom is no longer with us on this earth, it's so much harder and messy to miss a soul that is still blooming and growing. But oh what a privilege it was and is to be able to state I'm the one who made them feel so loved with the presence of my own soul. That they two forgot that I was just labeled as their step mother but in their eyes I was their mom two.
Be kind to one another this year, be generous, give love because around this time of year some of us just need their hearts to grow even just a few sizes bigger this year.
-E. DECKER