“I can’t stand her.”He’s driving me crazy.”They made me feel anxious, ashamed, or afraid.”Have you ever had thoughts like these after an unpleasant interaction with someone, at work, with a friend, or even someone close to you? I know I have. But what if, instead of staying stuck in those feelings, we learned how to respond to them differently? Someone else’s behavior may be something we strongly dislike, but it does not control our lives.

Yes, we may feel: shame, anxiety, frustration, or fear. But those feelings don’t define who we are. I am still capable. I am still valuable. I am still safe.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made in the eyes of my Father (Psalm 139:14). Their behavior does not rule me. It does not have to take over my thoughts or my actions. God is still with me. He has always protected me—and He will continue to do so.“The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear?” — Psalm 27:1. “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are stayed on You, because they trust in You.” — Isaiah 26:3.

Recently, I had an interaction where I felt shame afterward. A friend said something like, “It’s you,” and compared my experience to someone else’s. That moment triggered something in me. Now, that doesn’t mean the interaction was right. But it helped me realize something important: People are allowed to feel how they feel. But that doesn’t mean they get to define how I feel. My friend tends to worry; that’s part of who she is. But I am also allowed to have boundaries. Just because someone feels a certain way doesn’t mean they can control me, dictate my thoughts, or decide my worth. I can acknowledge their feelings without accepting their conclusions. Shame often comes from past wounds, trauma, or internalized lies. And it usually sounds like: “Something is wrong with me.”

I’m the problem.”I’m not enough.”But here’s the truth: Shame doesn’t just hurt, it lies. "When you hear an accusation in your mind, don’t just accept it, press it ( A concept inspired by Fully Known, Fully Loved)." For example:Lie:“It’s me. I’m the problem. Something is wrong with me.”Press it: Is that actually true? Or did someone say something that made me feel that way? Is this based on facts, or on how I felt in that moment? Possible discovery: That feeling came from what was said to me, not from the truth. They were reacting from their own fear or perspective. I felt shame, but that doesn’t mean I am shameful. You can feel shame without being shameful. You can be triggered without being defined by it. You can walk away from an interaction and still say: “I am still okay.”I am still safe.”I am still who God says I am.

”Some concepts in this article were inspired by and adapted from: “How to Find Freedom from Shame” — Fully Known, Fully Lovedhttps://fullyknownfullyloved.com/2024/12/26/how-to-find-freedom-from-shame/⁠�

References:

The Holy Bible, New International Version (NIV).Psalm 139:14; Psalm 27:1; Isaiah 26:3

Fully Known, Fully Loved. (2024). How to Find Freedom from Shame.https://fullyknownfullyloved.com/2024/12/26/how-to-find-freedom-from-shame/⁠