My Arrival

One-thousand dollars in my pocket, a small bag with a week’s worth of clothes, my baseball cap, and an unshaven face was my entourage as I stepped off the plane and into the Oakland airport.

“Mike, Michael”, one of the girls yelled across the baggage claim, “Here. Over here!” she continued.

I spied the four girls all draped in their long skirts and my girlfriend in her frayed shorts. Hair flowing around the smiles that greeted me.

“Hey!” I bellowed back, “I made it”. I placed my bag down and opened my arms for the group hug to happen. Giggles and ‘ohs’ squeezed me tightly.

I held on to my girlfriend having not seen her in two months. Her choice of hair product filled my nose and invited me to squeeze just a bit more tightly. We pulled back from one another and I gazed at the freckles that surrounded her deep brown eyes. Her smile captured my heart as it had three years earlier, when she ended one relationship and, before long, we began ours. I wanted her then, and I had her now.

“Can’t wait to show you the apartment. It’s crowded with all of us. We get the floor tonight but I’m thinking we will get the bedroom soon. We have to find a place, though.” She babbled.

“A job. I need a job!” I responded, “How’s the rent out here?” Asking since I seemed to be constantly worried about money.

Being 21 and 2,000 miles from home for the first time for the reason of not wanting to lose my girlfriend to her desire to leave Illinois kept me busy for the year before I left. The grocery store job I had had for 5 years allowed me to save a piddly amount if money to move, an unwritten resume of job duties that I was getting pretty good at; stocking shelves, rotating and facing products, cleaning up after spills and keeping the stock room clean and organized despite the flurry of activity there. Leaving on fairly good terms, I remembered my manager telling me to “Do it right.”

The drive to the apartment was short, maybe 30 minutes. We were crammed in the small Volkswagen Jetta, sunroof open, windows downs. Piling out the car like the proverbial clowns we assumed our places in the tiny 2-bedroom unit, which was one of six, and I immediately fell fast asleep as my girlfriend watched reruns on tv. The floor was firm and vacuumed.

Organic Living

My hunt for a job lasted two-weeks. I applied at three grocery stores; two were large, traditional chain stores like the one I just left, and the other was a small organic grocery store; unlike any I had seen.

The organic store hired me right away. They placed me in their “grocery department” as a stock boy; same basic gig as before. The difference, however, was in the product. Unfamiliar with the names of many of the items on the shelves, not knowing how to pronounce half of the ingredients, and knowing no one challenged me.

“Shit-Take’ mushrooms I kept repeating in my head; I had seen it before but never had to pronounce it. I said it incorrectly once out loud and my co-worker laughed with fervor.

“That’s classic” he said, “Let’s run through this place a bit more; you’ll get it”.

As ridiculous as I felt I learned quickly and started turning on the working ways I had learned back home; stocking these tinier shelves with a speed that impressed my young manager. Getting “the load” stocked in record times for their stores. Schlepping cardboard, grabbing price checks, and interacting with “clients” with a midwestern humor and a slice of sarcasm.

In two months, I was the full-time receiving clerk and in another two I was the evening shift manager; both full time and both with slight raises.

My girlfriend continued to be a babysitter up in the hills, working 3-5 days a week. Our schedules rarely overlapped yet always gave us weekends together.

Hunting Housing

By the time I was hired at the organic grocery store I had $750 left of my $1000. My girlfriend had next to nothing from her babysitting job. Her cash was spent on food and our share of the apartment bills.

We borrowed the Jetta a few times to go see some places for us to live. Most of them were tiny or too expensive or simply not up to snuff. By the end of the first month my money was wearing thin, despite my first paycheck coming in. Becoming even thinner was our existence in an apartment designed for maybe 4 people but was housing 6 and some cats.

A place was advertised about 6 blocks from the apartment. The landlord’s residence was a mile and I walked it with $500 cash in my pocket. Arriving at his door, he let me into a quiet home. We sat at an old dining room table and talked.

“So, you’re from Chicago. And now you’re here. You work where, now?’ he cut to the chase.

“Living Foods” I replied.

“The nature store for them nature people; hippies.” He directed the comment to the room.

“It’s a job.” I said, “When’s the place available and can I see it?’ My breath changed the subject.

“Now and yes. You got rent? $400 a month; cash only?” He inquired with a puzzling look.

“Yup. I’ve got it right in my pocket.’ I said back.

“Good. Lemme see”

I pulled out the neatly folded bills and counted out $400. He watched carefully and reached his hand to accept it.

“That’s it?” I asked. “We got the place? I haven’t even seen it.”

“Right, right. Let’s go, young man. I’ll show ya.”

The place was a stand alone one-bedroom house on a busy corner. It had a small living room next to a small dining room, and a teeny kitchen with a pint-sized 4-burner gas stove. The bathroom was the size of an airplane’s lavatory; and bright blue to boot. It had a sad excuse for a back entryway that led to the one-car detached garage which was full of wood and metal from somewhere unbeknownst to me.

It was perfect. “We’ll take it” I said and we shook hands.

“Now here’s perk” the landlord said as our hands parted, “Sometimes I need cash for my wife or to pay some of them bills but you know, times is hard. Now I get some money from old Uncle Sam but he’s not too timely, ya see. The deal I can offer you and your girl is that if you might lend me a small amount to cover something I’ll take double it off the rent the following month.” He stood looking at me and his smile grew until it froze in position waiting for my response.

“Wait, you mean if I lend you twenty bucks then you’ll take forty off the rent?” I quizzically asked.

“Smart boy. Yes. That’s the perk. Does us both good.”

He borrowed $20 and we moved in over the next few days.

Cable Crisis

Over the next month my landlord borrowed enough money to allow us to buy a small couch, a glass top dining room table and four chairs, and a tv set, cable ready! I was being trained as the Evening Manager at work and my girlfriend was looking for another job.

Our neighbors were related to our landlord. I think they lived there for free. There were at least three people that actually lived there; Markus, his girlfriend Tonya, and Markus’s cousin, Antoine.

All three liked to party and would stand outside our bedroom window at night on the sidewalk and “chill out”; usually keeping me up later than I needed to be. I was annoyed yet kept it to myself.

Markus would drop by unannounced, hang out in our small living room and smoke his pipe while we enjoyed a beer or two. The subject of cable tv came up.

“You got cable on that tv?” He asked one evening.

“Yup. We just got it last week. Wanna watch something?’ I replied swigging my beer.

“Yeah. Throw something on. My girl keeps hasslin’ me to get cable. Can’t afford the $40 a month though, ya know?”

“I hear ya” I said flipping through the channels.

A knock on the door came and my friend, Billy, opened it and let himself in. He grabbed a beer and sat down.

“Sweet!” He exclaimed, “you got cable! What’s it runnin’ you?”

“Forty bucks, man.”

“Steep, brother. You all should splice and split.”

Markus looked at him and lit up. “Yeah. That’s what I’m sayin’’

Billy said he could easily splice the cable running into the house and split it to Markus’s place. We’d both get cable and split the cost.

I looked at Markus and he sat silent, bowl wafting a thin line of smoke into his face, eyes wide in anticipation waiting for me to agree.

“You gonna pay me $20 every month?” I asked.

“You know it, brother. Tonya got $20 and she want cable” he brought the smoking bowl to his mouth and sucked in a hit, “I gotcha.”

Billy nodded and said, “I can hook you all up tonight. Super-fly easy!”

I finished my beer and crushed the can, “You pay, we can play!” And we. exchanged high-fives all-around.

Two hours later Billy was finished splicing and Markus’s house had cable tv, just like that. He slipped me $20 and I put it up with my other cash in the little hole in the wall behind the stove. The wad there was building up. Maybe we could buy a stereo or a car or something.

Over the next two weeks my girlfriend got a job in the Deli Department at the store I was managing. We laughed about me being her supervisor when our shifts overlapped, which wasn’t too often. She knew what she was doing so things ran pretty smoothly and the increase in money coming in was nice.

Days rolled by, weeks turned into months. A cable bill found its way to us as usual and I let Markus know I needed the $20 as usual. He acknowledged.

A few more days passed and he had not paid. I figured times might be tough for him so I let it go. I thought that I’d give him a break this month and cover for him. He never mentioned it.

The next bill arrived and I let him know. He grunted and said, “all right. Just wait.” So I did.

Nothing.

The partying increased on the sidewalk outside and I could hear Antione saying things like, “Free Cable” and “HBO for nuthin’!”

I worked a Friday evening shift and arrived home by 9:00pm. I was tired and found bills on the dining room table; electric, water, and cable. Cracking a beer and flipping in a cassette tape in our boom box, I sat by myself and opened the checkbook. Money was getting a bit tight and that always made me nervous.

I finished my second beer and strolled over to Markus’s place to get the cable cash. He barely peeked his head out of the door and told me to come back in an hour and he’d pay me.

I did. He didn’t.

He asked for another hour. I obliged as I was busy drinking my beer and listening to tunes.

On my next fresh beer I started thinking about being ripped off by Markus. I knew Antoine could be gruff but thought Markus had scruples. Being cast off throughout the night started to get under my skin. I grabbed the cable bill and went back to collect my twenty dollars. This time, Antoine answered the door.

“What?’ He glared.

“Markus owes $20 for the cable and I need it to pay the bill.” I explained matter-of-factly.

“No. He ain’t paying no more. Beat it, punk.” and slammed the door. I knew what was happening. I didn’t like it.

I retreated to my dining room, threw the cable bill on the table and cracked open another beer. As I drank it I clicked on the boombox and pressed ‘play’.

Tom Petty’s song, “I Won’t Back Down” came on. I played it over and over as I swigged my beer. I sang along louder than usual, turned it up, and grabbed one more beer as I left my house headed for Markus's door once more.

Marching up the stairs of his place I could hear the tv blaring and some music in the background. Thump, thump. thump I pounded on the door. Taking a breath I waited for the door to open. Voices called out and Antione opened the door, smoke billowing out behind him.

"You again. Whatch you want?" he demanded.

"I came for the money. I need it" I replied sternly.

Just then a little guy poked his head in between Antione and the door, "Who's this?"

"Next door neighbor cable guy" Antione laughed.

"Oh. Him" the little guy said and then disappeared into the smoke filled house.

Antione looked at me and smiled, "Hold on, man...I'll get Markus." and he left the door open.

"C'mon in" Tonya told me with a drink in her hand.

I stepped in and she closed the door behind me, "Markus will be right out. What do you want, now. Your money? Didn't he pay you yet?"

"Um, no. I have to pay the bill and he said he would give it to me before." I explained.

“Mm hmm” she snarled then downed her drink.

Behind me there was a stuffed chair with an old blanket on it. I stood in front of the chair listening to the voices in the other room. I heard Markus saying something but couldn't tell what it was. Then I heard Antione say, "Go on."

I took a sip of my beer. As I lowered my arm, the little guy burst out of the back room straight toward me. The room faded and he was on me before I could react.

"Here's yo money," he screeched lunging, and punched me square in the mouth. My head snapped back, a flash of white exploded across my vision, and my jaw twisted unnaturally. A muffled yelp escaped before I could stop it. Beer and blood spilt out of my mouth.

The single blow threw me backward into the stuffed chair. I landed, instantly swallowed by the chair, dropped my beer, and felt the sting spread across my face. Tonya screamed. The little guy squared up over me, fists clenched, eyes locked on my face. Antoine shoved him aside and leaned in until his sweaty face was inches from mine."You paid now" he breathed on me, smelling of whiskey, beer, cigarettes and pot. He had white residue around his nose and his eyes were red and intense. "You want some more pay?"

My lip was bleeding and starting to swell; my face grew hot and my eyes welled up.

"Leave him alone!" screeched Tonya, "He's had enough."

Antoine looked at her and smiled a greasy smile, reached for my collar and pulled me up off the chair with the blanket wrapped in my leg and kept me off my feet for a moment.

"Don't you come parading in here demanding some twenty buck, fool." he commanded and dropped me on my wobbly legs. He whipped my shocked body toward the door. The little guy, quick as fire, opened the door and Antione pushed me out but not before someone kicked me squarely and decisively in the ass. The door slammed behinmd me and all was quiet.

I stumbled down the cement stairs and brushed my hair back. Wiping my lip the blood set on the my fingers and my behind ached as I took a few steps toward my house. With my head spinning I opened the front door and locked it behind me.

Straight to the bathroom I went. Looking at my face I could see the little guy had great aim and a packed a powerful punch. The right side of my butt still ached and I grabbed some ice from the old refrigerator, wrapped it in a used napkin, and placed it on my lip as I sat down once again with the unpaid bills. The Tom Petty song still played and I kicked the boombox causing silence in the dark room.

My ears rang for a while and I mustered up the courage to call my girlfriend to tell her what had happened.

"They kicked my ass!" I said with disdain.

."Who? What are you talking about? Where are you?" she asked quickly.

I told her what happened; that I went to collect the money and they jumped me instead of paying. She listened and said, "Serves you right going over there all high and mighty. What were you thinking? You ok?"

Her response was anything but sympathetic so I replied, "Yeah, just a fat lip." as I didn't want to tell her about the literal ass kicking. "When are you coming home?"

Daniel and I are closing the store, he needed help with some produce boxes and I am running late closing the deli, so we're helping each other to get out of this place. I'll be home soon. Ice it." she said.

Her response—her tone, her casual dismissal on the other end of the line—hit me harder than the sucker punch had earlier.

The freezer had scruffs of ice building up on it's walls and I scraped some more for my lip. I sat at the dining room table and waited for my girlfriend to come home but really didn't want to see her. My stomach felt empty and seemed to swirl around when I thought of her admonishment.

So I sat, looking at my hands. Looking at the bills. Looking at the floor through the glass top table we bought together. In doing so, I imagined the floor simply swallowing me up and taking me back in time. I could re-do this. I could do it differently.

Those thoughts vanished when I heard the unmistakable laugh of my girlfriend as she was being dropped off from work. The unknown car sped off with music blaring and her footsteps darkened our doorway.

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From the Gallery

Idealism and naivety defined much of my youth. Looking back, I can still see both their beauty and their cost.