Not to brag, or shame myself, but having sex was not a new adventure, so what I experienced completely caught me off guard! This one encounter solidified that this man was created to give me endless, and unmeasurable love!....and possibly pain. This was not the first time we had sexual intercourse, and thank the Heavens, it was not the last. However, it was the first time we had sober sex!

We had been talking and catching up on lost time ( 25 years worth of lost time ) for a blink of an eye at this point, but the sexual connection between us was like the strongest magnet you have ever seen! Every time we were around each other we couldn't help ourselves, we had to touch each other in some form or fashion. The strangest part for me was I was never surprised or jumpy when he touched me, even when he touched me unexpectedly. As a survivor of child abuse, and several circumstances of rape, being touched by a man can, and has, triggered unwanted memories and feelings in my life, so for this man to quickly grab me out of nowhere and for it to feel so natural was crazy!

The first sober sexual experience with us was no where super special, and it wasn't for any special date. Actually it was spur of the moment and surrounded by nature, no we were not exposed in public or doing anything illegal, but it was exciting and unplanned. The most amazing part was I was completely sober and not once was I worried or triggered with any thoughts or feelings of my past. Even with previous long term relationships I have had some sober encounters, but instantly regretted moments due to unwanted chills or triggers that would briefly take my mind somewhere I did not want to be, and unfortunately the entire experience would have a negative shadow surrounding it in my thoughts.

I didn't have any explanation at the time on why this man was so different than anyone else in my past. The only thing I did know is that he was intriguing, and I couldn't wait to find out more! The feelings he gave me with a single look, touch or single word spoken was note worthy. I tried to brush off the feeling telling myself "this is insanity, ludicrous and extremely unlikely".

I had a high school crush on this man 25 years ago, and dismissed him then due to high school gossip. How would he reappear in my life, at one of my most vulnerable and most chaotic times in my adulthood, and feel so natural like we were best friends that had only been apart for months not years? To feel such a strong connection with someone that was only in my life for a brief moment in high school? So many questions....I needed to figure out the answers, I needed this to make sense.