No one know. No one know the depth of what I was going through. Family didn't even know I was HIV positive. They couldn't handle the fact that I had been sleeping with men so how can I give them this news? I was alone. I was confused. All I knew how to do was pray and talk to God. All I know how to do was trust him. Did it make sense to me? No. Didn't even see how this could help others along the way. All I knew is that I wanted to be healed and I believed that God can do it. If you have faith the size of a must seed you can move mountains. This mountain right here felt like it needed more than mustard seed faith. How can God be in the midst of this or was he? The real answer is I kept running from him and running to what broke me. Ain't that funny the things that broke us we run to for comfort? Is that a familiar place that needs to be broken? But what do you do once that place is broken? Who do you run to penis that you're sure of? Do you really trust God like you say you do?