

The GOoDness in Me


“The GOoDness in Me”
by Katie Gubbe
Here is a reflection on
a little song I wrote,
based on what
I heard inside my heart,
that was hurting…
Picture this:
I was curled up—
frozen like a fetus
in the middle of my living room floor
while the world kept on going
around me.
And I felt like I was drowning
in my feelings and my failures—
& the people who I wanted to help me,
to love me
enough to lend me a little moment,
Seemed to love to turn away
and play that evil yucky shame-blame-game
that I knew the whole time
was just a really sad and twisted response
to their own devils' chains…
Little sick parasitic ticks,
tucked deep inside their lovesick brains;
the kind who’s so kind
to leech onto lovers,
stick it to ‘em and then get stuck—
sucking the life-juice from their souls.
Then they think they’re really something,
while you’re shriveled up (or, down?)
on the ground,
praying to SOMETHING
to turn things around—
But Truth is here to say
they’re no more than pathetic Intruders
weaving illusions of lies and confusion;
Got some skin in the game
but the truth is they’re losin…
Plotting and planning
to take what good gifts have been gave…
makes me wonder how stupid I look
waiting on them to change.
But as much as I hate on my heart for these things,
it’s this heart I let break
that shines bright despite all its pain.
I was “alone” while I cried,
that day and so many more,
I was so lonely,
until I understood the Truth of it, and
I gave in to the fact that I wasn’t—
and will never be, alone.
And that was when I heard the music
of all my Loved Ones,
dear, spirit-side friends
who subtly guide me here—
who hold my heart when I am not able
to keep from falling apart on the floor;
Whose songs get me out of my sorrow
and remind me of my faith
that there are better tomorrows.
My friends who remind me
of all the GOoDness in me—
and remind me that this heart,
is a really
really
good
thing.