It wasn’t till I saw sex in the city that I could figure this out what was the voice in my head it was me my inner talk it could be a film show or maybe just an articule or maybe just something to eat popcorns with , but what was it really with this inner voice of mine

What is it trying to tell me

• most of the time really most of the time is trying to tell me not to kill anyone cuz I wouldn’t survive prison and the other most of the time is trying to stop me from killing me , and why is that ? Why is it this recursive thougth all the time about me having to end my life cuz things aren’t working out great. ? So this voice in my head what is it for? is it really

just about me not killing someone or me ? O it’s a way to express myself? Or it’s something else? , you know I am a doctor you know , I know this can be a disease can be some autism some disorder or could this be the way for me to deal with things like I always and forever have known that I’m a writer I write all the time I’m talking all the time , and let me just say this I talk a loooot but all those others time when I do become silence I’m talking even more inside , I’m fighting I’m questioning I’m singing I’m screaming , so I am always talking or writing? Cuz for me it as always been a way to express myself either if I’m down it’s a way to put things in perspective but don’t let me sit a plan my fucking future oooh noo, I don’t do shit , but I do sometimes ask myself why did I do this? This life that I’m living how and why and whom did I ended up here and is it here the best for me ? Like I tend to go all the way and question all my decisions and why did I go to med school what am I trying tho achieve of this what should I know by now that I am a doctor ? Shouldn’t I be more as a doctor ? And what it is to be not as a doctor and What am I ? What did I came to this Fucking world am I good at something? Am I at all good? How is it that me a persons who fuckinggg finish this medical nonses as so much self doubt In herself I get to think how I don’t I’m capable enough I get to think how I deshonor anyone , like am I an ungrateful bitch ? Am I whort of loving? Am I worth something ? What is this life All about what do I keep thinking all the time that I’m wrong that I’m choosing wrong ? Am I scared? am I pushing good things away from me ? And where all this doubt came from? Like I know im capable of anything but why do I doubt myself so much , is it part of being human? Is this the way

that will always be ? I won’t me able to enjoy things ever ? Did I ever really wanted this life ? Or how did I ended up living this life ? How exactly is it that I got here , just wringing my deepest thoughts not having a clue on what feet to move next in what directions should I go , what should I do ? Who am I? And I’m Whort it? Should I actually be earth material? Living material? It it possible that the world it is better with me in it , and if so why I feel like such a burden to the life to my parents to my boy hell all those people I feel like a burden to fucking myself you know ? Like today I said it , everybody Can except me , and how and why is that true ? Who says I can’t ? Me ? Im my own fucking twisted enemy or what ? Am I really a doctor and what does that mean ? Why do I feel like such a failure like why? Will we be able to answer this questions soon? Will we be able to have some sense of where to go next ? All we have is the maybe