My name is Nikya Antionette Warren. I was born in Camden, New Jersey, on March 4th, 2003, but moved to North Carolina while I was still a baby. I'm 22 years old now and want to talk to you about feeling unwanted. Has anyone felt unwanted and unloved by their parents, especially their dads, who claim that they protect you? Yeah, that's how I'm feeling. I've been bullied as a little girl, but it was always my mom who came up to the school to talk to the principal about me being bullied. Where was my dad? NOWHERE! He's always been there for my little brother since he plays football, and always there for my sister because she's the oldest, but me? I'm the middle child, and I'm in everyone's shadows, feeling invisible and unwanted. While they get the better stuff, I get the good things, which doesn't bother me since I'm grateful. But at the same time, it doesn't feel right with me. I get treated differently compared to my little brother and big sister, who get good grades. But no matter how hard or how much I try, it's never enough for my dad. Sometimes it's not enough for my mom, who always gets on me about my attitude and school work, but does she get on my dad about his drinking habit or even try to help him stop drinking? NO! That's because he doesn't care about my feelings. After all, I'm worthless and useless. Sometimes, I just want to run away for good and commit suicide, so they won't have to worry about me being in their house or their faces. While I'm doing the dishes and taking the trash out, my dad and little brother are having fun without me, and that makes me feel like my dad loves my little brother more than me. During my high school years, my dad barely asked me to spend time with him, but he spent time training my brother and his friends since they played football. I guess my brother's success is more important to my dad than having a bond with his daughter. Even though I'm 22 years old, I still feel worthless and unwanted, and I'm very tired of it. SO tired, I want to really DIEEEEE!!!! I'm tired of feeling weak and being strong, and I'm tired of letting go and holding on while keeping the peace in time, and I'm tired of being wronged and doing right. My heart has a big hole in it, and nobody can fix it or would want to fix it because nobody cares about me, not even my own parents care about my feelings. If I plan to have kids in the future, I want them to feel loved and wanted by both parents. The meaning of Nikya varies by origin, though the name is most commonly associated with meanings like "the one who is precious" or "beautiful girl". But in reality, I don't feel precious or beautiful because I'm being treated like I don't matter in this world and in my family. What's the point of being in a family that makes you feel unwanted and unloved? What's the point of yearning for love when love is unavailable for you but available for everyone else? What's the point of having a life without having friends to treat you like family, or have a family who makes you feel invisible? One day I hope my parents know I love them alot, but at the same time, I've gotta put me first because I'm the one who's been thinking about suicide, I'm the only one who's suffocating every single day, but I'm also the only one who will always feel invisible and alone.