Dear readers,

My life has dismantled into something I cannot recognize. I find myself lost in the hours in a day. My heart is heavy weighing me down with each step and my body aches. I was raised in solitude with only the familiar company of kin. The lack of socialization has crippled me in adulthood. I find friendships hard to maintain. I find the daily tasks of showering, getting ready and living life to be less interesting as days go by. To have it all so young and to lose it even quicker has made me completely stationary. I’m not growing, I’m not moving forward I’m stuck in this rotation and I’m looking for an escape and every time I think “I got it!” It falls through like sand would in your hands. Each attempt I find myself growing more and more tired. How does one renew their will to live?

I must stop day dreaming and step back into my life now. I find it a bit terrifying thinking about all I’ve missed and have to catch up on. That’s the thing about depression, you eventually reach this state in which you care about nothing and you stop planning for a future because you’re not sure you will make it, through the rest of the day or even to tomorrow. I’ve been awaken for quite sometime I will admit but I was scared so I step back into the void but every now and then I step back into my body and enjoy time with friends or my child. Those little moments compile over time and give me the courage I need to try again. Cheers to my newest at attempt at living.