And the fck up fairy had to come see me tonight. I was getting Gage ready for bed. He was finishing up his book. He walked out the door to go potty and I noticed a spider on my thigh. I threw it off me and LEAPED off the bed into a convulsion. Had to hold myself up by the wall and breathe. When I regained my composure, I beat it to death with my phone. Now I'm just sittin here like 😳.

No phone was hurt in the making of this story.