Anxiety is a funny feeling

In one moment you're okay

In the next you're drowning

Drowning in your own thoughts

With your mind playing a game against you

Thought if we were to keep track of the wins and losses

The mind is winning

Being a victim to your own conscience

Is a funny feeling

Knowing that no matter what I will always be defeated

They say some people are born with no inner voice

I wonder that is like

I wonder it is like to hear nothing

I wonder it is like to be “normal”

I wonder what it is like to not over analyze every conversation I’ve ever had

I wonder what it’s like to believe someone else’s word

I wonder it is like to not fear others opinion

I may say I do not care for others opinions

But that is a lie

For my mind will always want to please

But never for me of course

Always others

For the brief moments my mind is at ease 

I do not know if it feels like peace 

Because I know deep down the anxiety will always return 

Some days are easier than others of course

Some days it beats me so bad I cannot take anything else

I can not eat

I can not sleep

And although my eyes were closed for those six dreadful hours 

I did not sleep 

I feel slow

I feel no energy 

I feel no motivation 

But what I do feel is something else altogether 

I can not put my finger on it nor can I describe it

But every person with anxiety can you tell you they feel the same anomaly 

An anomaly that will tare you down for every minute of every hour of every day 

Whether the voice is loud and front and center or quiet in the back of your conscious lurking

Waiting to tare you down

The constant anxiety