I went for a walk yesterday. I felt my sanity slipping once more but instead of letting it, I took precautionary measures. I drove to the nearest nature trail and set off. I started my walk going over and stressing over all the things going wrong or that could possibly go wrong. The bills, the to do list, the ever changing schedule, as well as all the other personal issues that have been building up. As I'm walking and over thinking, I take pictures of all the little things that catch my attention. In my free time I like to edit my photos and try to submit them to fun little contests on this new site I found. I enjoy it and as part of my new chapter in life, I'm trying to do more things that I truly enjoy.

As I'm walking and photographing, I start to reevaluate my thoughts. I take deep breaths and start my prayers and manifestations. What do I want? How soon do I need it? How can I achieve it? I call out to the universe and the energy around me, as well as the specific deities I've been drawn too, as of recent. Though I am new to working with deities in my craft, I like this specific nature trail because it has a very clear crossroads. I can't keep an alter at home for various reasons, so this helps me feel closer to Hekate when I speak to her, thank her, or need her help/advice. I leave a small offering for her (nature friendly, of course), and then make my way down the direction that I don't usually go. I ground myself and center my energy, the best I can. I speak out on what it is I want currently in life. What goals I need to make. What things need to be taken care of in the order of importance. As I talk through these things, I pray for guidance, reassurance, clear answers, advice, anything that can help me through the absolute mess I've been going through. I grow calmer as I walk and conversate with whatever unseen things may be with me.

During these moments of reflection and meditation, I've learned not to listen to my own voice. All those loud, chaotic voices in my head. I speak my concerns and then I stop, breath, listen and wait for a clear response. Sometimes all I get is silence, in the moment. But most of the time, I do get a reply. It's a clear voice, not like all the others in my head. Maybe its my intuition. Maybe its something else. But whatever it is it is far more comforting and clear. This time it told me to stop walking so fast and look around. It told me to look at everything around me, the trees, the river, the roots, the flowers, the birds and squirrels. How strong the branches were. How the roots look like veins in the earth. How calm and inviting the river's water looks, splashing against the land. How fat and adorable the squirrels look scurrying about. (I may have left them some unsalted walnuts and almonds). I was told to breath and observe. Don't think, don't worry. It will be handled. There is so much energy everywhere. So much beautiful, positive energy. So much magic in the world that goes unseen or played off as something else. Not only is it in the plants, the animals, the wind, the sky. It's in me too. I know that.

During the second half of my walk, my thoughts and attitude have changed a bit. Instead of questioning and asking, I switch to realizing. I am smart. I am beautiful. I am worthy. I am going to figure this out. I am going to grow and flourish and thrive. I release the negative, stagnant, poisonous energy I'm carrying. I release the self doubt. I release the fear of the unknown.

It is a hard journey. Deconstructing and rebuilding one's self. I'm still ever learning. But even though I still don't have a clear answer to any of this. Just the fact I came out of that forest in a more positive place, was a win for me. I will continue to push forward. I will continue to grow.