When I teach of unconditional love, I don’t mean for someone to unconditionally love their abuser without doing anything about it. I believe that if one person is willing to unconditionally love, they need to tell their spouse that that is all they believe in, and explain it to them. This means that they must also believe it because if they don’t, they will use and manipulate the situation.
At the same time, unconditional love makes no demands and doesn’t keep a record of wrongs - in combination with the Buddhism teachings and meditation way of living that I have learned, you become a very patient lover, unbothered by things that normally would’ve been offensive or caused a reaction-ripple effect.
When the “abusive” spouse sees this, they will LOVE it because now, suddenly, you see all the ways you were “wrong” and now they can have things their way. In reality, they should start to see how demanding and selfish they are, and how selfless you are loving them. When the concerns of this world fade from one spouse, the other will feel foolish for trying to manipulate, play games, argue, falsely blame. And if they can’t be real - if they aren’t willing to grow and mature and love unconditionally with their spouse, setting aside their own ego, then they will grow bored and label the relationship a failure. Let them go.
The choice to love unconditionally can be tiring and boring. There’s no new romantic lovers, and the two settle into routines and habits of the mind - ways they respond or don’t respond to their spouse subconsciously. It’s super easy to get to the point where you’d rather give up on them so you can find someone that “better suits you” but the truth is: there is no one that better suits you than the one you chose to love - the one you chose not to keep a record of wrongs with - the one you became so comfortable and familiar with, because you are one with that being/soul.
Love isn’t meant to end. Partnership isn’t meant to end. When the going gets tough, you have someone to hold you. You shouldn’t choose to see your spouse as the same old, same old, either. So much of a successful relationship is based on your mindset; which is also a choice. Choose to see them as the stranger you fell in love with - the one who tempted you into love and bed in the first place. Love cannot be based on what a person does or doesn’t do. It must be based on the fact that they are a soul you fell in love with and cared about - and nothing ever stops love.
You can use all the excuses you want, but in the end, even though people can grow apart in interests and physical capabilities, love doesn’t fade or grow apart - it’s always strong and invincible, you just have to choose it.
If a woman would become paralyzed due to some freak accident while she was with her boyfriend of 3 years, would it be love for him to leave her? If he claimed to love her before her accident, was he lying? The answer is - he probably didn’t understand what love is, because a lot of people don’t. They mistake it for an emotion that must be catered to and maintained, when in fact, it just IS, and always will BE. And we can step into it, live in it, choose it, or we can step out of it because we are imperfect and look for excuses to make life “better” for ourselves.
If you had to choose between letting your sister move in with you, or a stranger, you would probably choose your sister. It’s human nature to choose those we are familiar with over strangers, yet we are truly all the same. A stranger helped is your sister helped, and so on, but we feel we must protect ourselves and our loved ones more than strangers. Our brain can’t handle caring about every single person on earth as much as, say, our own children, because we’re just one person - but what if we just made it our mindset to live out every moment in love for all of life? All of the beings, all of the nature, all of the good and the suffering. Perspectives, opinions, and differences are all things that shouldn’t be held dearly. We shouldn’t spend time arguing over the small technical details of life.
Once you’ve spent enough time getting to know someone, to the point where you love them, there is no reason that love should end. Not the emotion of love, because that may be temporarily replaced with another emotion towards them; I am referring to the realm of love that you may rest in, always, for that person you’ve chosen. It may only end by your choice.