Navigating the Stormy Seas

Navigating the stormy seas of life can be tough, but for those of us with ADHD, it's like trying to steer a ship through a violent storm. ADHD comes with a lot of challenges and today we will cover three. We have hurdles in the academic setting, struggles with social ineptitude, and the woes of the workplace. In this essay, we will cover all of these topics, and hopefully, I can be your lighthouse, for the best way to survive the violent, stormy seas. 

Educational Challenges

A challenge that is seen for those of us with ADHD comes from schooling. ADHD affects your ability to focus in class. Most behavioral psychologists will try to prescribe you medicine to help people with ADHD focus in their lives. As William L. Coleman states, “There’s so much lip service paid to (combined) treatments, but a lot of people just rely on medication alone,” (qtd. in Boodman). I only relied on medication, which didn’t help me out in the short term. Having to take Adderall in the morning meant that I had to drink water. We couldn’t afford something like milk or soda for the sole purpose of taking pills. I was a picky kid when it came to that. I hated consuming the pills; they made me hungry, and sleepy at the end of the school day, but dinner was still hours away. My main way to get around the medicine was pure spite. My parents have always said that I was better behaved on pills, and I felt like that was offensive. I always knew that others felt that way. So whenever I was told to take my pills, I would fake it; then, constantly throughout the day, I was thinking about every action I felt like making. If it didn’t feel like an idea that I would make when I was on pills. I’d actively avoid it, just to spite those who said I was only acting right while on pills. 

Another challenge that I faced during schooling was the impulses I felt during quizzes and tests. The most problematic part was that I blurted out answers or portions of the answer, disrupting the tranquil silence that teachers adored. Whenever I studied anything, I spoke aloud. It’s supposed to be a sounding board, to simulate having a second person confirm the thoughts I had talked about. But I wasn’t allowed to do that for a quiz. I couldn’t speak to myself during a test. It would make the environment distracting to others. The inner monologue was already running too fast for me to contain more. At least, without practice, that is. I made it a point to sit down at the dinner table and read a book. If I made a noise, I’d get a percent off my score. I would start at 100%; every noise decreased that. Every distraction I created was another point. After a certain amount of time, I’d have a negative score. That would motivate me to do better, if my brother could get 99%, then I could get 100%. If being an adult meant being perfect, then I would do everything in my power to be perfect. Slowly, my rate of success increased, and the more words I could keep internal, the more I could think about multiple things coherently, and the better I would do during tests. 

An additional challenge during school came with the organization of homework and projects, and my ability to meet the target dates and deadlines. The problem I always encountered was boredom. Having eight things that was thinking about at one time while trying to focus on my homework didn’t help. At that point, there was almost nothing I could do to prevent my mind from wandering. If the subject didn’t interest me, or if the subject was too low of a level to stimulate my competitiveness, then it was never going to get done. When I’m home, my brain switches from a guarded school mindset to a relaxed free mindset. Telling me to do homework meant I had to work while remaining free. The only solution I could come up with was to treat it as a game and convince myself I was arguing with another person about the homework question. I showed all the work and proved to that person why my answer beat theirs. It was the only to make myself read the questions and explain my reasonings. Alternatively, I had no problems with quizzes and tests. I’m already at school, my mindset is always ready to deal with something that would make me want to throw stuff. Quizzes and Tests didn’t make up my entire grade though, so I would have C’s, D’s, and F’s because I could rarely get homework done. Sometimes, having a challenge and solution did not always mean I overcame it. I can fix most things, but probability states that I have to fail at some point; I can’t always be successful. 

Social Challenges

A main challenge that I, as well as other people have faced with ADHD was the social struggles. This challenge is one of those that I couldn’t overcome, but I could embrace it. Three things stood out as issues: making and keeping friends, handling emotions during a social situation, and dealing with the negative connotations that others had with ADHD and the comments and insults that those people would label me with. 

The first challenge had two parts: making friends and keeping them. Making friends was a process for me, and the way I went about it was always perceived as bad when I explained it. I would essentially stalk the person I wanted to be friends with. I’d spend the time that I had with them when I was near them, I’d study the people they interacted with, and the jokes they laughed at. What facial expressions did they make when someone said something they disagreed with? I’d look up their name and our school, and see what achievements they had. I would research a little about the topics they were interested in; I wanted to be relatable, but I didn’t want to seem like a know-it-all and correct everything they said. I’d make sure I committed their face and name to my memory, and then every time I passed them in the hall, I’d make eye contact, nod, and greet them by name. Every time I did that, they would smile and nod back, this makes them think that I am a friend, and every time I did that, it would hopefully make the impression that they knew me, even if they didn’t. After a couple of weeks, I’d pretend not to see them and they would greet me instead and I would smile and nod back. At some point, I’d sit next to them, they’d greet me, and I would do work, making sure my name was visible on my work. I watched to see if they glanced at my name. This meant they knew my name, and after that, they would greet me by name. I would talk to them about the topics I looked up, and theorize and complain about the animes I watched. Sooner or later, they would broach the subject of hanging out. A friend has been acquired. Sure, it wasn’t an unplanned spark of friendship that transcends differences. I pulled all the strings to make someone like me, and for me, that was enough. I was never going to tell them that’s what I did. I’m not going to brag that I manipulated them into filling a hole in my heart. Now, the true test of skill was keeping the friend. I would make sure not to be the one always to start a conversation; I’d make an effort some days, actively engaging in their stuff, and others I would pull back, and make them work for it, as I had done for them. I wanted them to feel like they had put in the same amount of effort as me. That was my method for having a friend. I would repeat this two to three more times. Having three to four close friends made a boundary that separated me from strangers. Keeping friends was an easy endeavor, interacting with them daily, bringing up topics they liked, and making sure to keep up-to-date on their interests.

The second challenge with ADHD was the rapid change of emotions I had to keep track of during any given social setting. Active listening for me was a struggle because it meant I had to engage with the person every time they said a point of interest or nod when they said something relatable. Added something to their lacking response, and hummed whenever I agreed with their statement. Making the appropriate facial expressions at appropriate times was difficult concerning what I found interesting or funny. They could make an abrupt statement about how their grandmother died, and my first reaction would be to laugh. It wasn’t out of nervousness or incredulousness; I just found the way they transitioned to a new topic hilarious. Unfortunately, laughing meant offending another person, and if I tried to explain why I did it, they would be mad that I was making excuses for my behavior. My solution to this was to introduce my humor to them long before we truly got to the point of heartfelt conversations. Laugh and joke about suicide, and make controversial statements while remaining indifferent to the idea, no matter how taboo it is. I would laugh at self-deprecating jokes made by others. Now, when others make a dark/inappropriate comment or statement, it isn’t weird for me to laugh or chuckle, or just not react. Embracing my dark side in front of friends early was the easiest way to overcome this challenge. 

Negative Connotation Challenge

An additional challenge I dealt with was the negative connotations attached to ADHD and how others felt about me. This solution was arguably the easiest for me. I don’t care. For most people insults about their “flaws” are demoralizing, and they struggle with self-esteem issues. Someone called you retarded and slow, for not understanding things as fast as others, or you didn’t come to the same conclusions as others did. You were the only one who seemed to be dealing with the issue, so you never tried to get help. If you tried, teachers would tell you to deal with it. There was no help. After about a year of being insulted for being this way, I did two things. The first was integral to making it stop, and the second was the solution. 

The first thing I did, while destructive, was to respond with violence. I was always the biggest kid in my grade, I was always the stronger person, physically. That meant what I did would hurt much more. When the most popular bully tried to mess with me at the start of the new grade year, I would immediately respond with my fists. I don’t care if the person hits me back, I need them to know I will fight back with full-on attacks. The second time someone smaller tried to mess with me, I responded with the same. I punch until I’m pulled off or they collapse. It doesn’t matter who tried, whether they were a boy or girl, 5th grader or 12th grader. I would make sure they felt pain trying to mess with me. 

Once everyone got the memo that I was not to be bullied and to move on to new targets, I enacted part two. That was to accept the previous insults about me, acknowledge they exist, and then promptly stop caring about them. I might have still gotten looks of disgust or mocking, but they stopped affecting me. I stopped responding to others. I only interacted with my friends. The reason I did the first part was to make the bullying stop. If they don’t get my attention, I can’t think about them. The second part was just a natural acceptance of my problems. 

Workplace Challenges

The third topic challenge that plagued me and one I’m still currently working on is my work woes. That includes maintaining focus on menial tasks, hitting deadlines is a certain degree of success, and working through workplace dynamics and expectations. Navigating the workplace is a combination of both academic and social hurdles.

Being at work meant I had a mindset in place to focus on one thing or two things with full focus, I used skills that I had developed for doing homework and worksheets, but in a place where my guard was still relatively up. Work was never a surprise, I came in and did the same tasks over and over again. It was a monotony I could settle into, one that I didn’t have to actively think about. ADHD didn’t affect this part of the job all that much, in fact when I view work, I view it as something necessary for me to live, and that makes me interested, that makes me competitive. That meant my ADHD went into hyperdrive, attempting to make everything perfect. 

The issue came with overcomplicating things. My mind is inherently analytical, doing anything usually has a deeper meaning for me. It meant that something as simple as changing oil, everything had to be drained completely, not just almost. For something to be fully empty was not always time efficient, and that meant slightly cutting corners. Using my ADHD’s competitiveness to do something the best, but also the fastest is how I overcame that issue. Doing something at 100% in one category but only hitting 40% in the other was not the key to being good at my job. Hitting 95% in one and hitting 92% in the other was a much better average, one that can be praised not criticized. 

Another challenge in the workplace was meeting deadlines, just like in school, deadlines were a struggle to hit because I would always find something to do instead, my boredom took over and I drifted. With work, I knew that my job was on the line if I didn’t finish a bigger task. If I was tasked with scrubbing the floors, then not completing it meant my boss would have to yell at me, and failing to do that over and over meant getting fired. As Gina Pera said in her online article “ADHD & Fear-Based Management: The Risks,” “He nurtured thoughts of disastrous consequences if he didn’t finish that paper on time and complete that research project.” If I’m only hitting 20% of deadlines, and I’m only being 1/5th of an employee that they pay. ADHD came in clutch on this one. It made it so that I overthink my anxiety and the outcome of failing to hit a deadline. This caused something called the “limbic system” which triggers the rational brain into action. The Limbic System is all of our primitive desires and instincts. It would make me fear the resulting conversation. I would actively avoid the possibility of failing, and the eventual disappointment I would cause my boss, who was my friend. That crushing fear made me hit the deadline much earlier than needed, but there was no punishment for being quick and efficient with my work, it was praised. 

The final challenge was working through workplace dynamics and expectations. Getting a job is one thing, and keeping it all well and good, but the most important thing was to make sure I got along with my coworkers. I was going to be near them for 11 hours a day, in a building that is the size of a two-bedroom apartment. Every one of them was mechanically gifted, swore worse than sailors, and were older than me. I did have one saving grace, they were very vulgar and inappropriate, their jokes would make people with vanilla humor cry, and I thrived in that kind of environment. ADHD made life much easier there because what I realized within two days was everyone there also had ADHD, they were well accustomed to fidgeting, plans to teach you the courses, and how to make you think about the process correctly. For once, I didn’t have to pretend to be someone’s friend. I didn’t have to hide myself. I didn’t have to mask my ticks and failures behind excuses. I could hum to myself and I could talk out loud. I didn’t need to hide. My solution to my ADHD was to embrace it. I played into its hands and excelled. All I needed to do was be the best I could utilizing all my tools.

Throughout all these challenges and adversities, the common denominator is clear: The ability to embrace something that society deems to be a flaw, embracing your ADHD rather than viewing it as a problem, is essential. By utilizing your strengths, developing strategies, and nurturing self-acceptance, people with ADHD can overcome hurdles in their path, and excel in foreign environments. All in all, the quest I have taken with ADHD, was fraught with storms, but with resiliency, adaptability, and acceptance of my flaws, I was able to chart a course to success, navigating the turbulent seas of life, with confidence.

Work Cited

Boodman, Sandra. “ADHD Therapy: Behavioral Treatment with Medication.” ADDitude, 6 Oct. 2006, www.additudemag.com/adhd-therapy-behavioral-treatment-with-medication/.

Openai.com, 2024, chat.openai.com/share/a50f7637-9715-46d2-957e-27d26beb1730. 

Pera, Gina. “ADHD & Fear-Based Management: The Risks.” ADHD Roller Coaster, 21 July 2017, adhdrollercoaster.org/essays/adhd-the-high-cost-of-fear-based-management/.