I use to think in my childhood how lucky would be one who is gods favourite like you want something and god will give it to you when you are in some problem god will there for you and problem will solve and you will have your happily ever after with whatever you want.

But as I grow up I started cursing the day I prayed to be god favourite, started thinking how naive I was to think the things about what it like to be favourite but now I am starting to feel and let me tell you it sucks it like everyday you are on drug and that drug is life which you want to leave desperately and how much you loathe it from every cell in you and than you are an addict you can’t live it even how much you don’t want it.

It feels like it I don’t want to live everyday when I wake up I am in hope that next day will be better and everyday is same.

Did you ever felt that why there are only problem in life like there is never ending sorrow and pain which with time only passes through one form to another and when you think that you are over it and you are happy suddenly you are lost again trapped in that cycle again from hurting and suffering to never ending pity and when you are use to this cycle comes a sudden ray of hope far from some where and you don’t want to trust that hope you don’t want to hurt again so you deny it you become angry, frustrated, mean and people around you think you are rude and arrogant but in reality you are shit scared and broken you want to protect your self by any how you want to live fully but the question arises how and you struggle to find the answer you are scared but the question is

Is it worth it to try or is it better to be in pain so you can protect yourself from greater damage?

I use to think that I should choose to try at least there will be hope that you will figure out how to live happily how to smile with no fear in your heart or you can live in movement there is no fear or doubt of what if and I use to think that it’s a blessing how ever going this but slowly I started to realize that for that to happen I had to heal one has to forget the pain and one who cause it one have to forget and forgive or has to move on regardless how pain full it is .

I am going thought this journey let me tell you to heal one has to go through entire pain every single day and has to relive it again and again thousand times until it can’t affect you and and not every one can do it it’s very pain full and brave things and from this I understood I am not brave I am not someone how can do this process so can I heal can I be happy can I have a normal life??