I am constantly in a state of grief. Not because I lost my grandmother, or my grandfather. This is a different kind of grief. The one when you grieve something you can never go back to, where you wanna claw your heart out just to tell it how to feel. My heart is heavy & my days are long, I want to puke every time I think of what could’ve gone wrong. I can never go back to that day in 2013 to tell you not to touch me or to tell you that I wish my mom never met you. At least you’re gone now. Yet, I am still stuck grieving my 7 year old self & what could’ve gone right.