to shine

a poem by Katie Gubbe

Every time I fall… it’s like my heart just loves harder…

Nu’n ever gone keep me down; nu’n gone snuff me out! 

I take pain like pills u prey 

I PRAY - God know I ain’t one to shut this mouth! No no not today. These “pills” I pop’d

Make anyone plop.

But I still get up.

I just won’t stop 

Because i just be feeelin .. n y’all be illliiin n dillin n on all this shiiiit - and it’s all just shit sometimes, ya know? 

Everybody knows what it’s like when that shit show .. go public n u never meant to post nun on ya feed… 

'specially when u ain’t make it to the family feed … cuz u too caught up dealin' with the company u keep… 

keep keeping keeps keeping creepsZzz… 

so sleepzZ. 

Don’t wanna remember what u been dealin’, bout 

what really REALn’- that’s what that shiiiit's about.

But I'll wash it down with some oj in the morning 

fake a smile with all ya demons n then I brush my teeth. 

Spit all that shit out watch it swirl down the sink. 

Down. 

Down. 

Falling. Down. 

Breathe. 

In. 

Breathe life. 

Be nice...

Open. Eyes. 

Dream….. 

Free. 

Feel

Alive..

Sooner or later,

maybe one of these days

I'll make it 

back 

to the graveyard

n' let my ghost friends

show you some things. 

scare you, wear you

down 

so you stop followin me around

so I ain't always listenin to why your lips frown.

So instead, I might listen 

to all the love I have inside-

to the love that led the light that's breaking through, 

that my heart had to break open

to see...

to shine.