Of all the perpetrators that I would find, arrest, and provide a free ride down to the County Jail, burglary suspects tended to be those I found in some of the craziest situations. I struggled with whether I should chop several of these up into separate stories, or just slap together one, long, compilation of burglary bungles. These are just a couple of those.

The morel of the story: Whether you see the vodka bottle as half empty, or half full, don’t drink and drive.