I’m not an economist but reflecting on the recent financial fluctuations and general state of affairs, I believe there is a vital element the experts have overlooked. Marbles.

Passing a construction site, yesterday, I parked my car alongside the roadway and watched for about half an hour while workmen methodically dismantled a building that had served, faithfully, for years as an elementary school. My gaze tracked a crack in the old sidewalk alongside what was left of the south wall, up the front steps, toward the side door, and wandered into fuzzy memories of Bobby pulling Paula’s hair in geography class and Freda kissing Bif on the playground near the swings. Both felonies, now, but at one time regarded as almost a rite of passage.

Dear Abigail, It is difficult for me to put into words what it meant to have you, my oldest niece, and your grandmother present when your cousin’s two-year old inadvertently knighted me with the vacuum cleaner attachment. I’m striving to remain humble in the face of the daunting responsibility associated with becoming the first “Earl of Hoovers”.

A short time ago, an apparently despondent squirrel flung itself onto a transformer behind the building in which I work causing a major power outage lasting over 1½ days. On the first day back to work much discussion ensued over what circumstances could cause a squirrel to resort to such measures. Trouble at home; not enough nuts set aside to pay rent on the tree; suffering from some kind of terminal squirrel disease. Of course, it was all speculation.

I glanced out of the driver’s side window of my car, toward the bus stop, just in time to see 230 lbs. of frustration and insecurity, packed in a flowery muumuu, wielding what looked to be a King James Bible like it was a set of nun chucks.

Left follows right…right follows left…night follows day…animals follow their instincts…and younger siblings often follow their older siblings down the same career path; sometimes with remarkable results. Look at Charlotte, Emily and Anne Brontë; or, Orville and Wilbur Wright; John, Robert and Teddy Kennedy; Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears; Ulysses and Cary Grant.

A recent news story about a painting dog was an enormous success if its primary mission was to fail to impress me. I’ve seen a chicken play piano, a chimp use sign language, and a horse count. Heck, one weekend in the early ‘70’s I’m pretty sure I saw one doing algebra.

Gwendolyn is embroiled in a bitter battle with the pug next door. I believe she blames him for the hole in the front yard. The neighbors have done their best to back my explanation that the hole is the responsibility of the German Shepard down the street, but she isn’t having any of it.

Where sports are involved, I'm a firm believer in a solid knowledge and command of the basics. Shooting rubber bands, as with any big game, requires a similar background. While you are probably more acquainted with domesticated rubber bands, which are plentiful and easily captured, rubber bands in the wild prove much more elusive.

First, to newscasters who report “The car, It swerved to miss the cat and wound up in the neighbor’s living room”, or “The Governor, She signed the bill, but used invisible ink”; Stop it.