Gather around, kiddos. It seems you're desperate to know whether you're running afoul of the devil himself. Well, allow me to play the part of your personal Clarence Oddbody from "It’s a Wonderful Life," and help you navigate your way through this terribly dire predicament.
10) Extreme Poverty and/or Extreme Wealth: There's nothing anyone enjoys more than living in the absolute extremes of life. Scrounging for pocket change under the couch cushion, fighting off rats for a piece of moldy bread or, conversely, using hundred dollar bills to wipe your tears after you get dumped because you can't figure out if your girlfriend loved you or your bank balance. If anything screams Satan’s presence more than this kind of lifestyle imbalance, I don't know what does.
9) Wires Getting Tangled Without Any Effort: Satan's secret hobby is knot tying, especially in our headphone wires, laptop cables and forget about your Christmas lights. He's got your wires in a twist, literally. If your cables constantly end up looking like an angry bowl of spaghetti, guess who’s near.
8) Constantly Misplacing Things: It must be Satan hiding your car keys, just when you're already late for work or a date. Who knew he had a sense of humor? Sure, maybe it's not Alzheimer’s. It's just Satan playing hide-and-seek with your stuff.
7) Constant Spell of Bad Luck: If you've been walking under a ridiculous amount of ladders, broke so many mirrors that you've lost count, and black cats run in terror at your approach, it might be a sign. Because Satan revels in our shortcomings and low points, adding a sprinkle of his special misfortune seasoning just for the extra kick.
6) Frequent Misunderstandings among Your Family and Peers: So your friends think you're intentionally ignoring their calls, and your family thinks you hate Grandma's cooking. Rest assured, it’s not a communication issue. It's good old Satan stirring up misunderstanding like he’s making a delicious smoothie.
5) Delays Only Happen When You're in Need: If you’re convinced that all red traffic signals, long queues, and slow internet connections conspire against you whenever you're in a hurry, you may be closer to Satan than any church aisle.
4) Long String of Loss that Happens One After Another: Ever play dominoes with your life events? Satan does that quite ding-dong merrily. Job gone, then home, pet, even your favorite pizza joint shuts down. Clearly Satan’s orchestrating this loss marathon with devilish glee.
3) Nightmares of People You Love Acting Out of Character: Resting peacefully might seem a distant memory when you close your eyes and see your doting mother morph into a fire-breathing dragon or your sweet little dog plotting world domination. Satan is just hosting an after-hours cinema in your dreams.
2) Lack of Self Control: If you've somehow developed an insatiable appetite for junk food, late-night parties, booze, gambling, or nose picking, it's probably Satan having a field day, using you as his personal puppet.
1) Evil in the World: Yep, the world is one large, chaotic mess. Wars, natural disasters, pandemics and have you seen our political leaders lately? If that doesn't scream Satan's favorite playground, I don't know what does.
A funny reinterpretation of common superstitions associated with the devil. A reminder to my dear readers not to take these signs seriously and to enjoy life and its mysterious, even if infernal, offerings!Especially this upcoming Halloween!
Warning: These signs might make you besties with the devil, just make sure you aren't lured into signing any mysterious contracts.